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Friday, June 20, 2014

Freeze it, buzz it, easy does it

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg, June 20st , 2014.

We are waiting for repairpersons, who are already forty minutes later than their declared arrival time.  (We would have said “We are waiting patiently”, but We’re fairly certain that some of you have met Us.)

OurHouseWhereWeLive is currently as cool (downstairs) or cooler (upstairs) as it would be if the air conditioning were (subjunctively) running. (Yes, it is cooler upstairs.  So much for that theory of hot air rising. (Yes, We Our Own Self Personally are currently downstairs.  However, We are neither talking to Ourself nor farting uncontrollably, so We should not be affecting the hot air quotient to any noticeable extent.))

This coolness, while lovely, makes Us wonder how We are going to be able to tell that they have fixed the air conditioning, assuming that they ever actually arrive.

Speaking of Things That Are Wrong, as so many things are, here is an argument-winning treatise entitled “Why You Are Wrong”, which you may use to win your next WorldWideInteerWebNetzian debate: 

You’re welcome.

And here are the 25 Best Anti-Jokes Ever:‏

In other news, We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the sign of Gemini, Our video for which is above …and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends: ))).


Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Gemini video, which is the first Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video We ever made.  Just look how far We’ve come! (Ooops…did that get in your eye?):

And here’s the HorrorScope:

The repairpersons have arrived. Not so much the cuteness. Here’s is Our Kelli-O-Scope for today…does it predict that they will be successful???

(It is Martin Landau’s birthday…shouldn’t that help Us somehow?)

You feel like making a real difference today — and it’s easy to see why! Your energy is peaking in every part of your life, and you should be able to pursue nearly any ambition that you like.  Energy, vivacity and directness are three traits people usually count on seeing in you. They’re all pretty obvious to those you meet today, whether they’ve seen it all before or have never seen your face, so don’t be shy about letting those fine qualities show — they’re a few of the reasons folks love you like they do! Your legendary bravery doesn’t hurt a bit, either.  Whether you’re an amorous ace or a romantic rookie, you have one big thing going for you: personality. It doesn’t matter where you’re at, you’ve got this one figured out, big time. So don’t sweat the small talk — it’ll flow like champagne.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.