Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManlyManateesMainliningManicottiMonday, June 9st , 2014.
Happy Birthday to Sharon, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
Happy Birthday also to Doug, who also turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Happy birthday also too to Dawn, who also too turns twenty-four today across the bridge in New Jersey.
Also, Happy Belated Birthday to Candace, Craig, Kenneth, OurAmericanCousin Nathan, and Terri, each of whom turned twenty-four over the weekend.
And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday to Our future ex-husband Johnny Depp. Not that he’ll call, or write, or invite Us over for cake…
In other news, We know you are just waiting with bated breath to hear if We’ve watched any more of Orange Is The New Black. (Before you start spoiling Us, We have just begun watching Season One, not Season Two like the rest of all y’all. (The DuMont Network was re-running the Season One episodes, and We managed to record them with Our BetaMax™.))
We have, in fact, watched a few more episodes, and have managed to get over all the over-hype; We are now quite enjoying Ourself. (Which is good, because nobody else is lining up to enjoy Us.)
Because We love keeping YouPeople informed and up to the minute on AllThingsHollyweird, herewith a little-known Orange Is The New Black factoid: the show was originally supposed to be a glamorous night-time soap opera, a la 80s Dynasty. Unfortunately, during the first day of filming, Kate Mulgrew ate all the scenery, so they had to move it to a women’s prison.
So did We all watch the Tonys™ last night? We Our Own Self Personally watched long enough to see Neil Patrick Harris perform, and win his Tony™. Now We’ll NEVER get tickets to that show.
Unfortunately, watching that long meant We also had to endure That Goddamn Number from That Fucking Les Miz show, which is apparently being revived, or put on life support, or some such. We can abide the stage version of said epic only slightly more than the fillum version, Our review of which see here:
Alternatively, here is Shirley Booth as Hazel’s take on it:
(We feel as though We may have shared that video before. Guess what? We’re sharing it again.)
In other news, We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the sign of Gemini, Our video for which is above …and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends: http://youtu.be/Yj7enrUk6js ))).
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Gemini video, which is the first Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video We ever made. Just look how far We’ve come! (Ooops…did that get in your eye?):
And here’s the HorrorScope:
Due to time constraints (in addition to Johnny Depp’s birthday, We have just learned that it is also Kevin Borg’s birthday, so We have to go back out to the mall), in lieu of call-and-response with Kelli The AssHatt, We give you a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
It is very good to see you again.
Madame Olivia has just gleaned something invaluable from a young friend who is a mountain-climber (and a Capricorn!). She said "When things look impossible, make a little step forward, and options will appear. Fail upwards!" Madame Olivia swooned at the wisdom of this and seized on it to deliver it to you. It is applicable to all of life. Madame Olivia herself immediately put this to use and hopes you do too.
How we doin', li'l Aries? Are you by any chance feeling the powerful pull of change? That's because those giant outer planets are dancing in a mind-bending mambo that mandates change, even transfiguration. Remember that in days to come, will you? You may have to let go of some old ways of doing things. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Madame Olivia senses that the color yellow is going to be important for you
It has been a pleasure being with you. Madame Olivia wishes you all the best until we meet again.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.