Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg, September
TwennySixst, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Andrew, who turns
twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Happy Birthday also to Scott, who also turns
twenty-four today, also in The city That Loves You (On Your) Back.
Additionally, Happy Birthday to Noah, who
additionally turns twenty-four today. Somewhere
in MaryLand. Mount Airy, MaryLand, to be
specific. We’ve never been all that
taken with the Mount Airy that’s in Our very Own backyard, so We fail to see
why anybody needs another one. Although
We will admit that “Mount Airy, MaryLand” sounds positively lyrical, especially if you
pronounce the “Mary” as “Mary”, i.e. “Mary Land”, instead of as the past tense
of “Marilyn”, i.e. “Marilyned”. (Hi,
Marilyn!)
Furthermore, Happy Birthday also too to Charly, who also
too turns twenty-four today. In
Tennessee. Where they COULD have a cool “Spell-Our-State’s-Name”
song like Mississippi (“Em-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Pee-Pee-Eye”), if they
only had a pee-pee.
(Unbeknownst to many, “If I Only Had A Pee-Pee” was the fourth verse of the “If I Only Had A Brain/Heart/Etc.” song
from The Wizard of Oz. It was cut
during rehearsals, when Billie Burke refused to wear the associated costume.)
(True fact.)
Meanwhile, prior to performing in Our
sold-out show at the Murder Mystery factory tonight, We are off to do A Nice
Thing. Thereby elongating what was
already going to be a really looong day into AAAAAaaaa Reeeaaaalllyyyy Loooooong
Daaaay, and gaining Us naught but mayhaps another star on Our crown in Heaven.
(This would be why We are teetering on the
verge of doing The Stupid Thing mentioned in yesterday’s e-pissode. Which see, because We cannot be arsed
repeating: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-hills-are-alive.html
)
Also, dear SitOnOurFaceBook: We have, at last count, 995 “friends”. Many of whom We have never actually met. So We can pretty much guarantee you that
“People We May Know” do NOT include those with whom We share only one or two
“mutual friends. Your stupidz are
showing. KThxBye.
In other other other news, leapin’ lemurs,
it’s Libra! And not a moment too
soon…Virgo was truly wearing Us right the hell out. Is it just Us, or does
Uranus always feel out-of-sorts for you during Virgo too? Also, for the entire month of Virgo, it
always feels as though someone is snooping through Our underwear drawer. And telling people what they find there. And NOT in a good way.
At any rate, Our Libra video is above, and
here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends: http://youtu.be/I-sVEr84fyk?list=UUtq4ffsQ_xGu4T5NSA2HfaQ
****************************************
In random news from the WorldWideInterWebNetz:
English is confusing because "booty
call" and "butt dial" mean very different things.
Also:
Condom
= “cumbrella”
*****************************************************
And
heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
It is Olivia Newton-John’s birthday, more
than sufficient reason to take the rest of the day off.
And
now, as Our day is getting away from Us, and since those drops of the milk of
human kindness are still a few days away, and because Our day is getting away
from Us, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical)
Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings
Starzina ~
Hello
again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.
Madame
Olivia doesn't want to interrupt your labors but this might be a good time to
think about the spiritual aspect of things: the Oneness, the Great Other, the
Timeless, the Unseen. A moment of open-ended reflection in the day, every day,
will suffice, and you will be suffused with widened perspective and
refreshment. On a personal note, every morning Madame Olivia enjoys doing one
yoga pose and brain-singing a line from a song: Who knows One?/ I know One/ One
Spirit,/Of heaven and earth. It opens up the day ahead.
Little
Aries, even in the best-regulated lives Eros can wreak a bit of havoc. Eros is
the life force and we must have her, warts, stinger, and all. Do not be
surprised by a sudden change in your ocean of love in the near future, be it a
gentle wavelet or a tsunami. It is life exerting its force and for sure your
boat will be lifted. Sit tight and ride it out. Everything will calm down.
Portentous
color for you now: any purple
Our time
together today is drawing to a close. Madame Olivia bids you au revoir and good
luck until we meet again.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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