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Friday, September 26, 2014

Hopelessly demoted to Pooh






Hello, Ducks!




Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg,  September TwennySixst, 2014.



Happy Birthday to Andrew, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.



Happy Birthday also to Scott, who also turns twenty-four today, also in The city That Loves You (On Your) Back.



Additionally, Happy Birthday to Noah, who additionally turns twenty-four today.  Somewhere in MaryLand.  Mount Airy, MaryLand, to be specific.  We’ve never been all that taken with the Mount Airy that’s in Our very Own backyard, so We fail to see why anybody needs another one.  Although We will admit that “Mount Airy, MaryLand” sounds  positively lyrical, especially if you pronounce the “Mary” as “Mary”, i.e. “Mary Land”, instead of as the past tense of “Marilyn”, i.e. “Marilyned”.  (Hi, Marilyn!)




Furthermore,  Happy Birthday also too to Charly, who also too turns twenty-four today.  In Tennessee.  Where they COULD have a cool “Spell-Our-State’s-Name” song like Mississippi (“Em-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-Pee-Pee-Eye”), if they only had a pee-pee.



(Unbeknownst to many, “If I Only Had A Pee-Pee” was the fourth verse of the “If I Only Had A Brain/Heart/Etc.” song from The Wizard of Oz. It was cut during rehearsals, when Billie Burke refused to wear the associated costume.)



(True fact.)



Meanwhile, prior to performing in Our sold-out show at the Murder Mystery factory tonight, We are off to do A Nice Thing.  Thereby elongating what was already going to be a really looong day into AAAAAaaaa Reeeaaaalllyyyy Loooooong Daaaay, and gaining Us naught but mayhaps another star on Our crown in Heaven. 


(This would be why We are teetering on the verge of doing The Stupid Thing mentioned in yesterday’s e-pissode.  Which see, because We cannot be arsed repeating:  http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-hills-are-alive.html )




Also, dear SitOnOurFaceBook:  We have, at last count, 995 “friends”.  Many of whom We have never actually met.  So We can pretty much guarantee you that “People We May Know” do NOT include those with whom We share only one or two “mutual friends.  Your stupidz are showing. KThxBye.



In other other other news, leapin’ lemurs, it’s Libra!  And not a moment too soon…Virgo was truly wearing Us right the hell out. Is it just Us, or does Uranus always feel out-of-sorts for you during Virgo too?  Also, for the entire month of Virgo, it always feels as though someone is snooping through Our underwear drawer.  And telling people what they find there.  And NOT in a good way.



At any rate, Our Libra video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends:  http://youtu.be/I-sVEr84fyk?list=UUtq4ffsQ_xGu4T5NSA2HfaQ



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In random news from the WorldWideInterWebNetz:



English is confusing because "booty call" and "butt dial" mean very different things.‏




Also:



Condom = “cumbrella”


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And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:



It is Olivia Newton-John’s birthday, more than sufficient reason to take the rest of the day off.



And now, as Our day is getting away from Us, and since those drops of the milk of human kindness are still a few days away, and because Our day is getting away from Us, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is a reading from Madame Olivia:





Greetings Starzina ~

Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.

Madame Olivia doesn't want to interrupt your labors but this might be a good time to think about the spiritual aspect of things: the Oneness, the Great Other, the Timeless, the Unseen. A moment of open-ended reflection in the day, every day, will suffice, and you will be suffused with widened perspective and refreshment. On a personal note, every morning Madame Olivia enjoys doing one yoga pose and brain-singing a line from a song: Who knows One?/ I know One/ One Spirit,/Of heaven and earth. It opens up the day ahead.

Little Aries, even in the best-regulated lives Eros can wreak a bit of havoc. Eros is the life force and we must have her, warts, stinger, and all. Do not be surprised by a sudden change in your ocean of love in the near future, be it a gentle wavelet or a tsunami. It is life exerting its force and for sure your boat will be lifted. Sit tight and ride it out. Everything will calm down.

Portentous color for you now: any purple

Our time together today is drawing to a close. Madame Olivia bids you au revoir and good luck until we meet again.




Namaste, MotherFuckers.



In gaseousness,


Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.