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Thursday, September 25, 2014

The hills are alive

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling),  September TwennyFivest, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Michael, who turns twenty-four today in New York.  New York, New York…The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us).

Happy Birthday also to Van, who also turns twenty-four today, in El Lay.  Which We always imagine to mean WeHo.  Because We can.

Additionally, Happy Birthday to Hope, who additionally turns twenty-four today.  In Orwigsburg.  Pennsylvania.  Which sounds, if you say it out loud, less like a place than like a question…try it.  See?  It’s practically “Alas poor Yorick”.  Which isn’t a question, but would be a really cool name for a place.  “Where are you from?” “AlasPoorYorick, Pennsylvania.”

Does anyone have any idea what the fuck We’re talking out?  No?  Good…moving on…

Last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday also too to Skye, who also too turns twenty-four today, and with whom We’ve recently reconnected through The  Magic Of Social Media.  He now lives, it turns out, in somewhere called Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina, and, if you think it doesn’t tickle Us to be able to say that We know someone who lives in Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina, you simply haven’t met Us.

Meanwhile, in a no-doubt-futile effort to obtain Ourself a few drops of the milk of human kindness that flow so freely everywhere but here, We are on the verge--

(Note to Self: invent, define, and popularize new phrase: “on the virgin”.)

--of doing what will, being an episode of Our Life, turn out to be An Incredibly Stupid Thing.  Sigh.

Also, dear SitOnOurFaceBook:  We have, at last count, 995 “friends”.  Many of whom We have never actually met.  So We can pretty much guarantee you that “People We May Know” do NOT include those with whom We share only one or two “mutual friends.  Your stupidz are showing. KThxBye.

In other news, We are having Ourself a frosted brownie for breakfast.  Again. Because We are a grown-up, and We have that power.  As We mentioned yesterday, We had a friend for dinner Monday, and consequently have leftover frosted brownies, amongst other things, to eat for the rest of the week.

(Please note that, when We say We “had a friend for dinner”, We do NOT mean that We ate him.  (Also, “frosted brownie” is not a euphemism for anything.  (Although, now that Our attention has been drawn to it, it certainly should be.)))

In other other other news, leapin’ lemurs, it’s Libra!  And not a moment too soon…Virgo was truly wearing Us right the hell out. Is it just Us, or does Uranus always feel out-of-sorts for you during Virgo too?  Also, for the entire month of Virgo, it always feels as though someone is snooping through Our underwear drawer.  And telling people what they find there.  And NOT in a good way.

At any rate, Our Libra video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends:

In random news from the WorldWideInterWebNetz:

English is confusing because "booty call" and "butt dial" mean very different things.‏


Condom = “cumbrella”


And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

The quantity of famous celebrity-type people born today is SO truly staggering (how did We not know before that Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas have the same birthday?) that it would almost be easier to list people who were NOT born today.

We were not born today. (Or yesterday, for that matter.)

(Heh. See what We did there?)

Also, apparently, no one We know in Philadelphia (at least as far as SitOnOurFaceBook knows) was born today.  Thereby, it would seem, severely curtailing Our chances of obtaining cake.  Thank Gawd for “frosted brownies”.

And now, as Our day is getting away from Us, and since those drops of the milk of human kindness are still a few days away, and because Our day is getting away from Us, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is a reading from Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.

Madame Olivia doesn't want to interrupt your labors but this might be a good time to think about the spiritual aspect of things: the Oneness, the Great Other, the Timeless, the Unseen. A moment of open-ended reflection in the day, every day, will suffice, and you will be suffused with widened perspective and refreshment. On a personal note, every morning Madame Olivia enjoys doing one yoga pose and brain-singing a line from a song: Who knows One?/ I know One/ One Spirit,/Of heaven and earth. It opens up the day ahead.

Little Aries, even in the best-regulated lives Eros can wreak a bit of havoc. Eros is the life force and we must have her, warts, stinger, and all. Do not be surprised by a sudden change in your ocean of love in the near future, be it a gentle wavelet or a tsunami. It is life exerting its force and for sure your boat will be lifted. Sit tight and ride it out. Everything will calm down.

Portentous color for you now: any purple

Our time together today is drawing to a close. Madame Olivia bids you au revoir and good luck until we meet again.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.