Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling), September TwennyFivest, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Michael, who
turns twenty-four today in New York. New
York, New York…The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us).
Happy Birthday also to Van, who also turns
twenty-four today, in El Lay. Which We
always imagine to mean WeHo. Because We
can.
Additionally, Happy Birthday to Hope, who
additionally turns twenty-four today. In
Orwigsburg. Pennsylvania. Which sounds, if you say it out loud, less
like a place than like a question…try it.
See? It’s practically “Alas poor
Yorick”. Which isn’t a question, but
would be a really cool name for a place.
“Where are you from?” “AlasPoorYorick, Pennsylvania.”
Does anyone have any idea what the fuck We’re
talking out? No? Good…moving on…
Last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday
also too to Skye, who also too turns twenty-four today, and with whom We’ve
recently reconnected through The Magic
Of Social Media. He now lives, it turns
out, in somewhere called Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina, and, if you think it
doesn’t tickle Us to be able to say that We know someone who lives in Kill
Devil Hills, North Carolina, you simply haven’t met Us.
Meanwhile, in a no-doubt-futile effort to
obtain Ourself a few drops of the milk of human kindness that flow so freely
everywhere but here, We are on the verge--
(Note to Self: invent, define, and popularize
new phrase: “on the virgin”.)
--of doing what will, being an episode of Our
Life, turn out to be An Incredibly Stupid Thing. Sigh.
Also, dear SitOnOurFaceBook: We have, at last count, 995 “friends”. Many of whom We have never actually met. So We can pretty much guarantee you that “People
We May Know” do NOT include those with whom We share only one or two “mutual friends. Your stupidz are showing. KThxBye.
In other news, We are having Ourself a
frosted brownie for breakfast. Again. Because
We are a grown-up, and We have that power.
As We mentioned yesterday, We had a friend for dinner Monday, and
consequently have leftover frosted brownies, amongst other things, to eat for
the rest of the week.
(Please note that, when We say We “had a
friend for dinner”, We do NOT mean that We ate him. (Also, “frosted brownie” is not a euphemism
for anything. (Although, now that Our attention
has been drawn to it, it certainly should be.)))
In other other other news, leapin’ lemurs,
it’s Libra! And not a moment too
soon…Virgo was truly wearing Us right the hell out. Is it just Us, or does
Uranus always feel out-of-sorts for you during Virgo too? Also, for the entire month of Virgo, it
always feels as though someone is snooping through Our underwear drawer. And telling people what they find there. And NOT in a good way.
At any rate, Our Libra video is above, and
here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends: http://youtu.be/I-sVEr84fyk?list=UUtq4ffsQ_xGu4T5NSA2HfaQ
****************************************
In random news from the WorldWideInterWebNetz:
English is confusing because "booty
call" and "butt dial" mean very different things.
Also:
Condom
= “cumbrella”
*****************************************************
And
heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
The quantity of famous celebrity-type people
born today is SO truly staggering (how
did We not know before that Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas have the
same birthday?) that it would almost be easier to list people who were NOT born
today.
We
were
not born today. (Or yesterday, for that matter.)
(Heh. See what We did there?)
Also, apparently, no one We know in
Philadelphia (at least as far as SitOnOurFaceBook knows) was born today. Thereby, it would seem, severely curtailing
Our chances of obtaining cake. Thank
Gawd for “frosted brownies”.
And
now, as Our day is getting away from Us, and since those drops of the milk of
human kindness are still a few days away, and because Our day is getting away
from Us, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical)
Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings
Starzina ~
Hello
again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.
Madame
Olivia doesn't want to interrupt your labors but this might be a good time to
think about the spiritual aspect of things: the Oneness, the Great Other, the
Timeless, the Unseen. A moment of open-ended reflection in the day, every day,
will suffice, and you will be suffused with widened perspective and
refreshment. On a personal note, every morning Madame Olivia enjoys doing one
yoga pose and brain-singing a line from a song: Who knows One?/ I know One/ One
Spirit,/Of heaven and earth. It opens up the day ahead.
Little
Aries, even in the best-regulated lives Eros can wreak a bit of havoc. Eros is
the life force and we must have her, warts, stinger, and all. Do not be
surprised by a sudden change in your ocean of love in the near future, be it a
gentle wavelet or a tsunami. It is life exerting its force and for sure your
boat will be lifted. Sit tight and ride it out. Everything will calm down.
Portentous
color for you now: any purple
Our time
together today is drawing to a close. Madame Olivia bids you au revoir and good
luck until we meet again.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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