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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

I'm in my penthouse half naked. I cooked this meal for you naked. So where the hell you at?






Hello, Ducks!




Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday,  September Sixteenst, 2014.



Happy Birthday to Joe who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.



Happy Birthday also to Justin who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.



Happy Birthday also too to Greg, who also to turns twenty-four today, all the way out on The Left Coast in WeHo, El Lay.  (We are not actually sure if he’s in WeHo or not, but, when We think of El Lay, We like to think of WeHo, and since when is it all about you?)




When my baby
When my baby smiles at me
I go to WeHo
De Janeiro…


Sorry.



Happy Birthday, additionally, to Callie, who turns twenty-four today in Greater Bostonia.  Also further additionally too, Happy Birthday to Tyson, who also further additionally too turns twenty-four today, also further additionally too in Greater Bostonia. (And, by “Greater Bostonia” in both of these instances, We actually mean “Salem”, which is another of Our favorite geographical places to be, in addition to the aforementioned WeHo (and the non-aforementioned New Orleans))



So, to sum up, only two out of five of today’s birthdays are anywhere in Our immediate geographic proximity, thereby rendering Our chances of getting any damn cake approximately equal to Our chances of awakening tomorrow in Salem, NOLa, or WeHo.



(It being, in case you were a little slow on the uptake, All. About. Us.)



We are now hearing, in Our head (in addition to The Voices…and We do EVERYTHING They tell Us to do!) an incantation that goes:



“Salem…NOLa…WeHo…Salem…NOLa…WeHo….”



Perhaps some of Our friends from the Witch City could put some experts to work on that, and We WILL wake up somewhere different tomorrow.



Or at least wake up with some damn cake.

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In other news, thank you to Fernando for posting Our review of his production of  Bent on his SitOnMyFaceBook page and boosting Our Gentle Readership.  We should get ABBA to write a song about him…


Oh, wait…



Here, in case you missed yesterday’s e-pissode, is the review in question: 




And here is where you would get tickets to BENT, should such things still be obtainable in the known universe:





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In other Fringe news, The WaitStaff Sh!ts The Bed!
 was SOLD OUT (and very well-received)  this past Friday, Saturday, and Sunday  nights, so if you want to curry favor with Us by showing up  (because mmmm….curried favor) get your tickets now and/or quick, fast and in a hurry: 




The show continues Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday at 8 at L’Etage, and, if you perchance lay your hands upon tickets for Friday, you will encounter the extra added attraction of Us Our Own Self Personally working box office.  Because We’re multitalented like that.



Our show got reviewed, and We debated sharing said review with you, because the reviewer seems to be kind of an idiot.  There is some debate amongst WaitStaffians as to whether it is a positive review or not…Our Own Personal point of view is that it is, but the writer doesn’t seem to know what “shit the bed” means.  That is, he seems to imagine “shit the bed” having some POSITIVE connotation.



(We’re gonna pause here for a moo-moo while We give all y’all a chance to imagine the positive connotation of “shit the bed”.)



At any rate, here is a link to it: 






…and We would be delighted to hear any and all opinions about it.  (It is about as important to Us as farts in the wind at this point, as We suspect that most of Our remaining tickets are already sold.)



Also, if you are writing a review of something, and We can’t TELL if it’s a good review or a bad review?  You SUCK at your job.  Just sayin’, KThxBye.



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Speaking of lemurs on Uranus,  (howZZAT for a segue?), here is a flashback to Our FIRST Virgo video, the one with the naked angel:




In other other news, We have Our schedule at the Murder Mystery Factory for September.  We will next be performing on Friday, September 26.  If you are interested in seeing Us perform in same, holla at Us.  (For those naked skimmers who may not be aware, We have been promoted to A Position Of Power at the Factory, and so will be performing somewhat less.)




And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:



And, as if the excitement of Prince Harry’s birthday yesterday weren’t (subjunctively) enough, Nick Jonas’s abs were born today!



(Just in case you were wondering, today’s e-pisstle’s title is a lyric from Nick Jonas’s new single, “Jealous”.  (We do so like to remain up-to-the-minutely au courant with the wonderful world of pop culture.  (And Pop Tarts™.  Because mmmm… Pop Tarts™.)))



Also, speaking of people who won’t be having cake, if she had lived just a leetle bit longer, Lauren Bacall would have been celebrating her ninetieth birthday today.  (What?  Too soon?)



And now, as Our day is getting completely away from Us, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is a reading from Madame Olivia:



Greetings Starzina ~

How nice to be with you again.

Madame Olivia is interested in the song with the lyrics "All of me loves all of you." There's a little scrimmage in Madame Olivia's brain, though, because the line is so absolute and so total and sets the bar for a relationship so very high. Happily, the singer does ameliorate it by saying "I love all your perfect imperfections." This is a great line, and so worth thinking about: can you love somebody's perfect imperfections and is it mutual? Does it go both ways?

And now, Aries, Madame Olivia would like to suggest that you will soon find yourself needing to assert yourself. Yes, you! Even if it feels difficult or impolitic, in an upcoming dilemma you will need to speak up. You will find that people will listen, the situation will calm down, and things will be better than before, especially for you.

Madame Olivia sees great energy for you around odd numbers

It's been a pleasure to be with you. Farewell from Madame Olivia until we meet again.




Namaste, MotherFuckers.



In gaseousness,


Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.