Grace Kelly, Harlow Jean- on the cover of a magazine

Greetings, Empress Returns Invisible Clothes---


Here is your horoscope for Friday, July 9 (Happy birthday in advance to OurMaryPat, who turns twenty-four this weekend. Meanwhile, today’s Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Fermez Couchez Avec Moi Francois Avoirdupois comes to Us courtesy of the City Paper, whose cover art for the week it is. (How did We suddenly go from Frawnch to Pennsylvania Dutch? The hurrier We go, the further up your behind We get.) It is, of course, a pixture of the lovely and talented Willam Belli, star of Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives, which is playing this weekend at QFest. If you have been remiss in obtaining tickets to same, you can do so here: http://www.qfest.com/film-details.cfm?c=240&id=9536 . The actual cover can be seen at http://citypaper.net/coverstory , or peering out at you from any number of bright orange news boxes all over the city. Sort of a Willam on every corner, if you will. (Or even if you won’t. Who the h3ll cares? Are YOU starring in a movie this weekend? We didn’t think so.))


(Speaking of Willam, some of you may have actually observed, off to your right there, the list of labels, which consists of celebrities mentioned in Eric’s Daily Horoscope since We moved to Bloggonia. Well, We are shrilled and ignited to inform you that, as of today’s mention, Willam has broken a tie and moved into Third-Most-Mentioned Place (as long as We don’t tell you who he was in a tie WITH. Because then he’d be back in the tie. So all y’all will just have to go check that out for your ownselves. (and you should…the answer is kinda funny.)) He is surpassed in Eric’s Daily Horoscope mentions only by Number Two Cher (why does saying it that way make Us think of Malibu Barbie?), who is Second-Most-Mentioned mainly because she rhymes with lots of stuff, and Number One Johnny Depp, who is First-Most-Mentioned because he is Our Secret Lover and Baby-Daddy. (Hey, it’s OUR horoscope. You’re just nakedly skimming it.) So congratulations, Willam.)


(Not that We’re a namedropper or anything.)


(Did anyone else totally expect Micro$oft Weird™ to flag “namedropper” and insist that it be two words? And, having focused your attention on it, are you now unable to parse it as anything but “named ropper”? Sigh. A mind is a terrible thing that’s not as big around as Our waist.)


(Our Our-O-Scope)


You can safely expect much more rapid replies to communication today -- that sphere is fully energized for you and most others. (Seriously? So should We hold Our breath till We turn blue? Who’s gonna call first? CuteBoiInTights? ContractorBoi? The guy who’s supposed to be doing Our voiceover demo? The suspense is killing Us.)


If someone is slow to get back to you, just move on without them. (You heard it here first, boiz and gurrlllz.)


It’s tempting for you to answer email, talk on your cell and check your messages all at once today. (And with a Swiffer™ up Our @ss, We shall Swiffer™ the floor at the same time! (We tried “broom”, but it just sounded so Pennsylvania Dutch.))


You might actually be able get away with all of it, too! (Maybe We’ll make a shoofly pie while We’re at it. (Micro$oft Weird™ is just letting Us get away with all manner of compound words today. (Is anyone else reading “shoofly” as “in a shoof manner”? (This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions? (Of course not. Because your brain’s on durgs. Jeebus.))))


However, make an effort to check in with yourself even during the height of your multitasking, rather than trying to seek new heights. (You wanna see heights? Wait till We set Our Swiffer™ on “vibrate”.)


Your rambunctious energy levels are in tip-top condition today. (Funny, We were just about to say that exact same…zzzzzzzz.)


Large-scale schemes are a piece of cake when you’re in perfect form. (Wait…there’s cake AND pie? Our fatnesses…let Us show them to you.)


Now if only each and every minion could keep up with your furious pace. (To say nothing of Our spurious face. (No, really…say NOTHING.))


(We’re not even going to acknowledge that she said “minion”. We ain’t got no minions. We got opinions, but We got no minions. Also, Our onions have bunions. (Clearly, We are on the verge of rap superstardom. You will be able to say you knew Us when. We, naturally, shall deny it.))


You’re the catalyst of the zodiac, so light a match under their little despicable rump roasts. (Obviously, We are meant to form a rap group. So that We have backup rapettes. (No, Micro$oft Weird™? NOT “rapettes”? What are they called, then? Rapists?) Who’s down wit’ “Doctor E and the Little Despicable Rump Roasts”?)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes. Happy Weekend!):






http://www.humorscope.com




nobody bakes a cake as tasty as a cowgrass cake)