Oh, say, can you see my eyes? If you can, then my hair’s too short.

Greetings, Equestriennes Rendezvous In Corral---


Here is your horoscope for Friday, July 02, 2010 (Happy birthday in advance to Jennifer, who turns twenty-four this weekend, but probably isn’t reading this, and to Ryan, who also turns twenty-four this weekend and almost CERTAINLY isn’t reading this (remind Us again why We’re WRITING it?). And Happy Independence Day in advance to the rest of all y’all, as We prepare to ponder the wisdom of Our four fathers. Which sounds like some serious baby-daddy drama, but isn’t.):


(Meanwhile, if you could toss your own salad, why the h3ll would you leave the house?)


(In still other news, here’s this, which is the 100 Greatest Movie Insults Of All Time. It is surprisingly UNsafe for work. )


(Our Our-O-Scope)


It takes a seven-nation army to hold you back, and that's without your minions. (Oh, please. Like if We had minions, We’d be typing this cr@p Our Own Self. Not bloody likely. You’d be stuck reading Our minions’ opinions about Virginians, and We’d be sipping a d@mn cocktail on Johnny Depp’s yacht.)


You have zero patience (FINALLY! At long last, you have sounded out all the words in that Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulism) for Dumbasses book We got you! Way to get hooked on phonics, Kellmeister!)


when it comes to ridiculous things like waiting your turn in line. (“Our turn”? “Line”? Are you suddenly speaking in tongues?)


Show 'em what you got, firebrand style and leave the congenial issues for the namby-pamby signs. (“Firebrand”? “Congenial”? “Namby-pamby”? Somebody’s been flipping through her Word-A-Day calendar all in one day.)


Just this once, rather than argue about the final outcome, you’d much rather sit down and work things out peaceably. (Well, as long as there’s a pipe. (That was not so much a double entendre as it was a multiple entendre. You figger it out.))


It’s not exactly what others expect from you, but it might work to your advantage. (Ah, the erement of sulplise! (Like a shart, but in a good way.))


In fact, they probably think you’re being especially mellow because you’ve got this new tactic up your sleeve. (They should see what We’ve got up Our pantleg. (If you DIDN’T read that last bit as Groucho Marx, We’ll wait while you go back and do it properly. Meanwhile the rest of Us will discuss why Micro$oft Weird™ seems to think neither “Groucho” nor “pantleg” is a word.))


Whatever helps you keep the peace is for the best, right? (Actually, We want to keep ALL the pieces.)


A simple question can work wonders! (Do you always smell like that?)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com




nothing gets between me and my cowgrass)