Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee, lousy with virginity

Greetings, Eccentric Rectangles’ Improbable Concentricity---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, July 20, 2010 (You’re not still Mondaying, are you? Because that would be bad. Sort of a day late and a dollar short, you’d be. Like a day without sunshine. Which would be like, ya know, night. What a difference a day makes, what a day for a daydream, watch it, hey, I’m Doris Day.)


(All of which begs the question, if a person with Tourette’s syndrome has a stroke, how can ya tell?)

(Meanwhile, this is for Sara (hi, Sara!), and is much more politically correct than if they spelled out what the letters in the URL stand for. (Others besides Sara will enjoy it as well.) http://www.latfh.com/ )


(Christmas In July: Another Surprise Birthday Party For Jesus : Sunday, July 25th at 7PM at World Café Live and on Wednesday and Thursday, July 28th and 29th at 8PM at L’Etage. Tickets here: http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3635 or here: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/117814 . If you haven’t gotten them already. And you haven’t. We KNOW. We see you when you’re sleeping, We know when you’re awake, We see you when you touch yourself, it looks like a p3nis only smaller.)


(Meanwhile, Our video is feeling unloved and may have to start touching itself. Won’t you help? (Not help it touch itself…get your minds out of the gutter! (Who would touch anybody with that facial hair anyway?)))





)


(Our Our-O-Scope)


That internal tension you're feeling could all too easily translate into an irresistible urge to: a) unceremoniously quit your job; (Too late.)


b) tell off that unappreciative fool you're seeing (Wait…We’re gonna tell Ourself off while We touch Ourself? Is it just Us (short answer: YES), or does that seem counterproductive?)


or c) move to Sri Lanka (Yeah. THAT could happen. Sari.)


(Heh. See what We did there?)


or anywhere you're sure no one knows your name. (Or at least can’t pronounce it properly.)


What to do? (More to the point, WHO to do?)


Try some exercise, mental or physical! (Try random interrobangs! (Which, for some reason, is seeming to Us like an excellent name for a breakfast cereal, preferably with little colored marshmallow bits. (Meanwhile “colored” in the phrase “little colored marshmallow bits” is just crying out for some politically incorrect racist joke, but We can’t think of one. Anybody?)))


The heart of the matter is this: your emotional rut is about to end. (Awwww…We do so enjoy emotionally rutting.)


Don't waste time worrying. (Also, don’t worry time wasting. However, you can watusi in your wigwam to your heart’s content.)


(How cute…Micro$oft Weird™ is pretending not to know that “watusi” is a word. Suck it, Micro$oft Weird™.)


Live for the moment -- and that intriguing, hot stranger across the room. (Strangers in the night, exchanging glances…wondering in the night, what in his pants is?)


You're extremely irritated, (Must be all that emotional rutting.)


and you want to make sure that the opposition knows about it. (Rut ‘em if they can’t take a joke.)


Fine -- but no ultimatums. (And not too many oxymorons, neither. (Micro$oft Weird™ will apparently allow you only one…it doesn’t recognize the plural as a word.))


Not when a plain old dirty look will do just fine. (How about a plain old Dirty Sanchez? (We’ll pause here while those who are too clean and pristine to know what that is, but yet still have inquiring minds, go Google it on Wikipedia. See how We spread knowledge and enlightenment? You’re welcome.))


That little thing you did months ago that you were sure no one would notice, much less remember? (Honey, We don’t remember the little thing We did YESTERDAY.)


Unfortunately, it's reared its ugly little head. (O RLY? How’d’ja like a Dirty Sanchez, Ugly Little Thing?)


What to do now? (Didn’t We already establish that the question is, WHO to do now? Try to keep up. @sshat.)


Duck. (Who you callin’ “Duck”, you silly goose?)


(Heh. Are We ten of the funniest people you know, or what? (Who said, “Or what”?))


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):






http://www.humorscope.com




Ai-yi-yi-yi, I am the cowgrass bandito)