I'm getting hungry… peel me a grape

Greetings, Extroverted Recluse Internalizes Conflict---

Here is your horoscope for Monday, July 26, 2010 (Happy Monday, WerqingPeople!  We, of course, werqed yesterday, and had a lovely time strutting and fretting Our hour upon the stage at the World Café Live.  The show was attended by many, many lovely people, although not very many of all y’all.  Which We can only imagine means that you are planning to celebrate Christmas In July this Wednesday or Thursday, July 28^th or 29^th at 8PM at L’Etage http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/117814 .  )

(Jesus continues to be a big hit, as does His YouTube video.  It occurs to Us that perhaps We should share the URL rather than embedding it, thus making it easier for you to share with your friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqkG2v1xZyQ )

 (In other news, We continue to attempt to wrestle Our wayward computer back into some semblance of its former self.  We had to reinstall all of Micro$oft Orifice™ in order to bring you Erix Daily Horoscope on Saturday, and this morning, We realized that We had to reinstall Our printer when it wouldn’t, you know, print.   We seem to recall werqing for a living being really aggravating and annoying, but having a paycheck attached, and We firmly believe that, if We are going to be this aggravated and annoyed, someone should be paying Us.  So get on that, wouldja?)

(Our  Our-O-Scope:)

Look up the word 'glib' in the dictionary, (Did you know that the word ‘gullible’ isn’t IN the dictionary?)

and don't be surprised to see your picture there. (Well, then, We’d better be getting a royalty check.  (How many of all y’all just got out your Funk & Wagnalls™ and looked up ‘gullible’?))

Yes, your verbal skills will definitely be the stuff that legends are made of. (Because We?  Are a cunning linguist.)

Now get busy making yourself a legend for other reasons. (“But Ossifer, We HAD to go on that killing spree!  Our Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) said so!”)

Stop worrying about being refused. (Honey, We never got fused in the first place, and before We knew it, We were CONfused.)

Walk bravely up to the object of your affections and just say it. (Speaking of confusion, that way lies madness.)

Regardless of what 'it' happens to be, there's just no refusing you. (Mmm-hmm.  And what alternate universe are We living in today, @sshat?)

It's not like you're being totally unreasonable. (Of course not. We never are.  Now peel Us a grape.)

It's that no one -- absolutely no one -- seems to be willing to see things your way. (Especially Helen Keller.  (WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!))

(Helen Keller jokes just never get old, do they?)

Now, why might that be? (Because people are stewpid?)

How good will you be? (Well, We dunno.  How ‘bout We go fu(k Ourselves and find out?)

Well, let's just say that once you're through, the competition will need some serious consolation after you're done with them. (Consolation prizes are Don Pardo’s jawb.  Homey doan’ play dat.)

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

cowgrass…for that not-so-fresh feeling)