Greetings, Every Reverie Inevitably Collapses---
Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, July 28, 2010 (Happy Hump Day to all you humping humpers who hump. (Micro$oft Weird™ would have Us believe that “humpers” is not a word. Clearly, Micro$oft Weird™ has never met Our friends.)):
(We have some VERY IMPORTANT NEWS about tickets for Christmas In July: Another Surprise Birthday Party for Jesus this Wednesday or Thursday, July 28th or 29th at 8PM at L’Etage. If you show up at the door (which opens at 7:30) and mention Erix Daily Horoscope, you can see the show for just TEN DOLLARS! Also, it is conceivable that We will have a drink with you afterwards. Does it GET any better than that? Yes, People, We have that power!)
(In other news, here is Jesus and His YouTube video. It occurs to Us that perhaps We should share the URL rather than embedding it, thus making it easier for you to share with your friends: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqkG2v1xZyQ We would like to put Jesus on funnyordie.com, but We clearly don’t have the necessary support. Sigh. )
(Our Our-O-Scope:)
Though you may often prefer to tackle (“Tackle”?)
your own plans and projects first, today brings a chance to earn some serious karma by helping a friend or coworker before all else. (The way that they help Us, ya mean? Yeah. Hold your breath and wait for that one.)
(In other news, yesterday was a very good day. For several reasons. One of which being, We are FINALLY scheduled to do Our voiceover demo. Mind you, this is only four months after it should have been done in the first place, but still. Just THINK of all the work We can be rejected for now!)
Go for it! (Be fruitbats in multiplexes! (Hey, it says that in the bible. Which, if you listen closely to your religious wingnuts, was written directly by Gawd. Why anybody else ever bothered writing a book thereafter is beyond Us, because, hello? Gawd wrote a book. Welcome to number one on the bestseller list for, like, EVER. Fortunately, your religious wingnuts generally can’t read particularly well, not believing much in edumacation as they do, so other books are pretty much left for the rest of Us.))
When you’re in this kind of mood (Pissy?)
— totally in tune with others (Mmm-hmm. Piss on ‘em.)
— there’s tons of people (Hey, We Our Own Self Personally are tons of people! Watch it with the fat jokes, @sshat!)
who may try to take advantage of you, (What’s that old saying? Oh, yeah…”You can’t rape the willing.”)
weird as that may seem. (Didja ever notice how, when EVERYTHING is weird, nothing seems weird anymore? No? Okay, maybe it’s just Us. Fu(kin’ weirdoes.)
You need to remember who’s in charge (Large Marge. DUH.)
and refuse to let it happen. (Mm-hmm. THERE’S a whole lotta huffin’ and puffin’, all for naught.)
Ask all the questions you want — don’t be afraid of offending anyone! (Is that your real hair? Do you always smell like that? Are you pregnant or just really fat?)
They’re not worried about offending you, after all. (Sing it, Sistah!)
It’s best for you to hang back a bit. (How ‘bout We bang hacks, instead?)
No one wants you to indulge in mind games, (And here We were, all ready to choose teams for a telepathic Parcheesi tournament.)
but you don’t have to lay your plans bare, either. (Oh, if there’s laying involved, it’s so much better to be bare. Even WE remember THAT, and We haven’t been laid since Our boys were in Korea, and Ike was in Mamie.)
Keep your own counsel for now, and watch out for subtle signs. (Oh, yes. We are All. About. The SuBtlety.)
(Your Euro-O-Scopes:
cowgrass)
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