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Friday, November 4, 2011

Summer's here and the time is right for dancin' in the street.

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Frito Lay™, November 4, 2011.  It occurs to Us that We have actually blogged in here every day this week, including Sunday.  Working Our fingers to the boner for YouPeople, We are.  And do you call?  Do you write?  Do you cause Our video to go viral?  Mais non.

We would ask you all to share the following with at least one other person (or on, say, your SitOnMyFaceBook page) today, but We suspect you haven’t even looked at it your own self: 

Here is the link with which you can share the preceding with your Scorpio-birthdayed friends.  Because, ya know, you care about Us like that:

We were just inspired to change the thumbnail shot for Our video when We realized how much like a Muppet We look in the current thumbnail.  Also that the current thumbnail was giving away Our wardrobe malfunction.  Insert Miss Piggy joke here.

Meanwhile, something is awry-askew-amiss with Our Google-O-Meter™; it insists that someone arrived on these hallowed pages by searching “hotter than a two-dollar pistol”, which is an expression We had never heard until this morning, and most assuredly have never uttered. That is not quite as scary as the one who got here by searching “LSD gummy worms”.  Also, the Charlene Tilton onslaught continues apace…one wonders if it is some sort of publicity stunt to score her a berth on the new Dallas reboot.  And, if so, if there is some way We could translate it into a similar berth for Our Own Self.  Surely JR could use an Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist)…

The oddest statistic of all, however, are the folks who arrived here from this “referring website”: .

Well, however you got here, We’ve gotcha now…duck, Ducks!  Here comes the HorrorScope:

You need to make the most of what you’ve got today  (Oh, please.  If We “make any more” out of what We’ve got, We’re gonna need a whole new wardrobe.  Of caftans. (We were gonna say “muu-muus”, but We weren’t sure about the pluralization…”muu-muus”?  “Muus-muu”? “Yvette Mimieux”? (In addition to Charlene Tilton, you will note that these hallowed pages seem to be single-handedly keeping the name of Yvette Mimieux in the public eye.  We trust Ms. Mimieux is appropriately grateful.  (Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), two cunning linguistic digressions occur to Us.  Number One, some sort of “pubic eye” joke, and (B.) why does “grateful” not mean “full of grates”? (Tertiarily, We now want to say “Hail, Mary, full of grates” in much the same way as We often wish shopkeepers and the like, “Have a Great Dane.”)))))

(Okay, that there?  Was a whole lotta parentheticalization.)

— and that most likely means helping others out.  (Out of what?)

If you’re not sure whether or not they really need you, go for it anyway — why not?  (Yeah.  People love that.)

Your pioneering spirit is tightening its grip on your heart right now, (That can’t be good.)

and ambitious travel is sure to follow.  (Or death.  One of those.)

 It’s a great day to figure out where you want to go next, (Hell.)

and how you want to get there. (Handbasket.)

Consider making it a solo journey, too (Like We have a choice.)

— that should make it much easier for you to wander off the beaten track and keep your days spontaneous. (Nothing is easier than being spontaneous, as long as you plan it all out in advance.)

Meanwhile, back at home, you can count on a close friend to keep everything in your life running smoothly.  (Mmm-hmm.)

If you could tear off your clothes and run down the street naked, you would — that’s just how crazy you feel today.  (If you have ever been to OurHouseWhereWeLive, you will enjoy, as We do, pixturing the neighbors’ reactions to same.  No doubt they would include some variation of hollering “Car!!!” to warn the chirren that a car is coming.)

So? Do it in the confines of your own home. (How does One run down the street in One’s Own home?)

Crank up the music and dance around in your birthday suit. (Shouldn’t We iron it first?)

Such liberty will truly invigorate you.  (We are thinking that “liberty” and “invigorate” could easily be replaced in that sentence, but We’re not quite sure by what.)

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.