Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManchesterEnglandEnglandAcrossTheAtlanticSeaMonday, September 16st,2013. Happy Birthday to Justin, who turns twenty-four today for the second time right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back. Happy Birthday also to Greg, who also turns twenty-four today, albeit on The Left Coast. Also too, Happy Birthday to Callie and to Tyson, each of whom turns twenty-four today Somewhere In Greater Bostonia.
Speaking of Greater Bostonia, Happy Belated Birthday to Patrick, who turned twenty-four there this past weekend. Amongst his many other accomplishments, Patrick is responsible for starting Starzina off on Our road to fame and fortune.
Happy Belated Birthday also to Joe and Walter, each of whom turned twenty-four this past weekend somewhere in the vicinity of The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Also too, Happy Belted Birthday To Gene, who also too turned twenty-four this past weekend in Tampon, Florida.
Also, Happy Belated Birthday to Our future ex-husband, Prince Harry, who turned twenty-four yesterday.
We do so enjoy when the post arrives and contains a random check.
Meanwhile, an email would like Us to “symbolically adopt an elephant for under 30 cents a day”. To which We say, (A.) “symbolically”?!? and (2.) was that a fat joke?
In other news, kudos to all involved with Traveling Light, which We saw in its penultimate performance on Saturday afternoon. We won’t rave on and on, as We don’t want to make you jealous that you can no longer see it, but congratulations to Doug, Liam, Lindsay, the rest of the brilliant cast, the designers, and crew.
Meanwhile, We were doing Our very Own show last night (We’re doing a show…didja know We’re doing a show?), and We asked, as We do, what some woman in the audience’s asstromalogical sign was. To which she sez, “I’m a Capricorn, and my husband here is a Lemur.”
You can’t make this shit up, folks. (Did We mention that the audience is permitted to consume adult beverages during Our show?)
So, yeah, get your tickets now for Looking for Uranus: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour. And bring your husband, the Lemur. There are three shows remaining, this Wednesday and Thursday at 8PM, and Sunday at 7PM at Café Nola, and you can either buy tickets in advance or at the door:
Also, tell your friends, etc. We were so preoccupied with, ya know, making there be a SCRIPT for the damn thing that We weren’t quite the lean, mean publicity machine We might otherwise have been.
(That paragraph works best if you pronounce that last “been” as “bean”. You DID pronounce that last “been” as “bean”, didn’t you? If not, We’ll wait whilst you go back.)
There is also a SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/706806152678843/ for your convenience in sharing on that platform.
Thank you, meanwhile, to everyone who has come to see Our show so far, and to all of Our generous supporters.
Speaking of G-strings, it occurs to Us that We have been remiss in not re-sharing Our other Virgo video with you, the one with the hawtt almost-nekkid angel in it. So here ya go:
And here is the HorrorScope:
In celebrity birthdays, Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers is twenty-one today. For those of you who are not up on your boy bands, Nick is The One With The Arms, not The Ugly One or The Gay Heroin Addict One. Meanwhile, Lauren Bacall is eighty-nine. Which, if you add them together, gives a nice round number of a hundred and ten.
If you’ll excuse Us for a moment, We’ll be in the other room using mental floss, having just imagined Nick Jonas and Lauren Bacall “adding together”.
You are a true pioneer today — so act like it! (Oh, damn…Our coonskin cap is at the cleaners.)
Your great ideas and energy make you perfect for trying new activities and leading the way for the less adventurous — almost everyone, that is. (Almost everyone AND THEIR LEMUR, that is.)
A friend in need may be a friend indeed, (The way We always heard it was, “A friend with weed is a friend indeed.”)
but this can also mean they’re a pain in the behind. (So they’re a Friend With Benefits, then, eh?)
While it may be slightly excruciating, (It would seem, at least to those of Us who actually speak English, that “slightly excruciating” is an oxymoron, you fucking moron.)
you yourself (We Ourself and Us?)
will need to exercise your patience muscle (ExSQUEEZE Us?)
when it comes to platonic relationships now. (Honey, if We’re all the way up to exercising a muscle, clearly We’ve bypassed platonic.)
If they need to vent about work, or their honey, or the price of gas — and vent, and vent (We’re not liking that “vent” and “gas” are right here in the same sentence.)
— it’s your duty to make sympathetic noises, (We shall queef like a Polish polka band…howzzat?)
at least for a certain amount of time. (Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah…)
(Oh, dear. We do hope you’re not actually viZZZualizing that…)
An artist’s space, a political group or almost any kind of active, engaged organization (Wait…We’re getting engaged? This is so sudden, Prince Harry.)
is a great place for you now. (As, apparently, is a polka party.)
Not only can you show off your passions, (Not to mention Our passionfruits, and Our passionflowers. (No, seriously, don’t mention them.))
(Meanwhile, Micro$oft Weird™ would have Us imagine that “passionflowers” is a word, while “passionfruits” is not. Which seems discriminatory, and makes Us wonder what they think of Our passionnuts.)
you also meet lots of new people who share your interests. (Interest rates are currently low. Just sayin’.)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.