Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManchesterEnglandEnglandAcrossTheAtlanticSeaMonday,
September 16st,2013. Happy
Birthday to Justin, who turns twenty-four today for the second time right here
in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
Happy Birthday also to Greg, who also turns twenty-four today, albeit on
The Left Coast. Also too, Happy Birthday
to Callie and to Tyson, each of whom turns twenty-four today Somewhere In
Greater Bostonia.
Speaking of Greater Bostonia, Happy Belated
Birthday to Patrick, who turned twenty-four there this past weekend. Amongst
his many other accomplishments, Patrick is responsible for starting Starzina
off on Our road to fame and fortune.
Happy Belated Birthday also to Joe and Walter,
each of whom turned twenty-four this past weekend somewhere in the vicinity of
The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Also
too, Happy Belted Birthday To Gene, who also too turned twenty-four this past weekend
in Tampon, Florida.
Also, Happy Belated Birthday to Our future
ex-husband, Prince Harry, who turned twenty-four yesterday.
We do so enjoy when the post arrives and
contains a random check.
In other news, kudos to all involved with Traveling
Light, which We saw in its penultimate performance on Saturday
afternoon. We won’t rave on and on, as
We don’t want to make you jealous that you can no longer see it, but
congratulations to Doug, Liam, Lindsay, the rest of the brilliant cast, the
designers, and crew.
Meanwhile, We were doing Our very Own show
last night (We’re doing a show…didja know We’re doing a show?), and We asked,
as We do, what some woman in the audience’s asstromalogical sign was. To which she sez, “I’m a Capricorn, and my
husband here is a Lemur.”
You can’t make this shit up, folks. (Did We
mention that the audience is permitted to consume adult beverages during Our
show?)
So, yeah, get your tickets now for Looking
for Uranus: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour. And bring your
husband, the Lemur. There are three
shows remaining, this Wednesday and Thursday at 8PM, and Sunday at 7PM at Café
Nola, and you can either buy tickets in advance or at the door:
Also,
tell your friends, etc. We were so
preoccupied with, ya know, making there be a SCRIPT for the damn thing that We weren’t
quite the lean, mean publicity machine We might otherwise have been.
(That
paragraph works best if you pronounce that last “been” as “bean”. You DID pronounce that last “been” as “bean”,
didn’t you? If not, We’ll wait whilst
you go back.)
There
is also a SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/706806152678843/ for your
convenience in sharing on that platform.
Thank
you, meanwhile, to everyone who has come to see Our show so far, and to all of
Our generous supporters.
Speaking
of G-strings, it occurs to Us that We have been remiss in not re-sharing Our other Virgo video with you, the one with
the hawtt almost-nekkid angel in it. So
here ya go:
And
here is the HorrorScope:
In celebrity birthdays, Nick Jonas of the
Jonas Brothers is twenty-one today. For
those of you who are not up on your boy bands, Nick is The One With The Arms,
not The Ugly One or The Gay Heroin Addict One.
Meanwhile, Lauren Bacall is eighty-nine.
Which, if you add them together, gives a nice round number of a hundred
and ten.
If you’ll excuse Us for a moment, We’ll be in
the other room using mental floss, having just imagined Nick Jonas and Lauren
Bacall “adding together”.
You are a true pioneer today — so act like
it! (Oh, damn…Our coonskin cap is at the cleaners.)
(AssHat.)
Your great ideas and energy make you perfect
for trying new activities and leading the way for the less adventurous — almost
everyone, that is. (Almost everyone AND
THEIR LEMUR, that is.)
A friend in need may be a friend indeed, (The
way We always heard it was, “A friend with weed is a friend indeed.”)
but this can also mean they’re a pain in the
behind. (So they’re a Friend With Benefits, then, eh?)
While
it may be slightly excruciating, (It would seem, at least to those of Us who
actually speak English, that “slightly excruciating” is an oxymoron, you
fucking moron.)
you yourself (We Ourself and Us?)
will need to exercise your patience muscle (ExSQUEEZE
Us?)
when it comes to platonic relationships now. (Honey, if We’re all the way up to exercising
a muscle, clearly We’ve bypassed platonic.)
If they need to vent about work, or their
honey, or the price of gas — and vent, and vent (We’re not liking that “vent” and “gas” are
right here in the same sentence.)
— it’s your duty to make sympathetic noises, (We
shall queef like a Polish polka band…howzzat?)
at least for a certain amount of time. (Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah…)
(Oh, dear.
We do hope you’re not actually viZZZualizing that…)
An artist’s space, a political group or
almost any kind of active, engaged organization (Wait…We’re getting engaged? This is so sudden, Prince Harry.)
is a great place for you now. (As,
apparently, is a polka party.)
Not only can you show off your passions, (Not
to mention Our passionfruits, and Our passionflowers. (No, seriously, don’t mention them.))
(Meanwhile, Micro$oft Weird™ would have Us
imagine that “passionflowers” is a word, while “passionfruits” is not. Which seems discriminatory, and makes Us
wonder what they think of Our passionnuts.)
you also meet lots of new people who share
your interests. (Interest rates are currently low. Just sayin’.)
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own
epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by
comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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