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Friday, September 27, 2013

She works hard for the money






Hello, Ducks!






Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg, September 27st, 2013.  We have been so hard at work here this morning at Casa de Crackpot that We weren’t even going to e-pisstlize.  But then We realized that it is Corinna’s birthday, and We had to wish Corinna a Happy Birthday.  After all, We once saw her eat Good’n’Plenty™ with the Devil.



So Happy Birthday to Corinna, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.



And what, you ask, have We been so busy with?  Well, trying to get you to stop using prepositions with which to end sentences, for one thing.  But, more importantly, with remounting (ooooohhhh!) Our show, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour, the best-kept secret of the 2013 Philadelphia Fringe Festival, so that everyone who was too busy Fringing can have a chance to see it.  So get your tickets now, kidz; We’re doing it one night only, Sunday, October 13 at 7:30 at L’Etage:

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/478137





And here is the HorrorScope:




So in celebrity birthday news, it would appear that Corinna shares her special day with Wilfred Brimley, Gwyneth Paltrow, Shaun Cassidy, and Meat Loaf. Now, who wouldn’t pay cash money to see a play with Corinna and THAT cast?  Leave your very best suggestions as to just what play that might be in the comments below.




Extra credit if it’s a musical.




Extra extra credit if Wilfred Brimley has a nude scene.




That being about all the excitement We can take for one day, We shall leave you, in lieu of AssHat Kelli’s blatherings, with a reading from Madame Olivia:


Greetings Eric ~
          
Welcome to Madame Olivia. It's lovely to have you back.

A dear friend of Madame Olivia's says that when she goes to bed at night she banishes the worries of the day by envisioning a gentle waterfall cascading over her, washing the cares from her head, shoulders, waist, all the way down and off her toes.

(So you’re saying she gets her cootchie power-washed?  (Sorry…We couldn’t resist.  Carry on…))

What a gentle imagining. And cleansing. Madame Olivia has tried it and finds it a wonderfully soothing nighttime ritual.
(Slut. (Oooops…never mind.))


Aries, part of your life task is self-expression. You've got the management thing pretty well in hand, but where is the real you? What you're going through may be unsettling, but in the process you will lose a husk of repression. You're going to make some wonderful discoveries. Believe it: blossoming will ensue.

Important color for you at this time: ruby red

It is time to take our leave for now. Madame Olivia wishes you Bon courage! See you next time.




In gaseousness,


Starzina Starfish-Browne



(Your Your-O-Scopes:


(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.