Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for ThurstonHowellTheThirdsThirdThirstyThursday, September 19st , 2013.
Okay, no more fooling around. Go get your tickets RIGHT NOW for Looking for Uranus: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour. There are only two shows remaining, tonight at 8PM, and Sunday at 7PM at Café Nola, and you can either buy tickets in advance or at the door:
If you are buying tickets at the door tonight, We will give you a five dollar discount if you say “Too bad, so sad, anal sex with your dad” (or, alternatively, if you say, “I read Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!”).
Thank you, meanwhile, to everyone who has come to see Our show so far, and to all of Our generous supporters.
Speaking of G-strings, it occurs to Us that We have been remiss in not re-sharing Our other Virgo video with you, the one with the hawtt almost-nekkid angel in it. So here ya go:
And here is the HorrorScope:
From the People Who Were Famous In The 60s Department, it is Adam West’s birthday today. Also Twiggy’s.
And now, because We have to mentally prepare Ourselves for the sound of one hand clapping while Helen Keller falls down in the forest, here, in lieu of Kelli’s krap, is a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Eric ~
Welcome to Madame Olivia. It's lovely to have you back.
Madame Olivia can see that like her, you are interested in eating. How, though, can we experience all the food that entices us, but remain svelte and healthy? One very excellent principle is oryoki, the mindful Japanese way of eating which means "just enough." If we truly pay attention to what we are putting in our mouths, we are sooner satisfied. Oryoki is a worthy principle to consider, perhaps to apply when we can. Notice the giant loophole that Madame Olivia, no stranger to a savage crême brulée, is leaving you. Oryoki is a guideline, not a rule.
Now, powerful little Aries, Madame Olivia would like to suggest something to your hard-working self: it is time for a rest. You've driven yourself so hard for such a stretch that you could be headed for a spot of trouble if you don't take a breather. Do not feel guilty! You have earned some leisure.
The color light blue will carry meaning.
Madame Olivia has enjoyed her time with you today and wishes you all the best.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.