Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, October TwennyTwoth,
TwennyThirteen. Happy Birthday to
Darren, who turns Not Even Twenty-Four today, right here in The City That Loves
You (On Your) Back.
Meanwhile, Our ever-so-lucky Gentle Readers
are about to be the first folks in the known universe to hear that The Little
Show That Could, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , will
be returning for one night only on Sunday, November 10 at 7:30 at L’Etage. Get your tickets here: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/499391 Dammit.
In other news, from The
First-World Gay People Problems Department, now that both Picturing Allen And
Kevin Naked Week AND Picturing Peter’s Peter Week are (ahem) behind Us, We are flummoxed
as to whom We should picture naked next.
We would, for example, picture Darren, it being his birthday and all,
but We suspect he would blush. And,
being extremely fair, We suspect that he is a champion blusher.
(Parenthetically (hence the
parentheses), We are now picturing Darren naked AND blushing. Which is probably making him blush even more…(How
can you tell it’s an endless loop…endless loop…endless loop…? (That there was a
little computer joke (VERY little (Who said that?!?)) that We put in there for
Darren, to make up for the naked business.
You’re welcome.)))
At any rate, if you have suggestions as to
whom We should be picturing naked this week, (no, Dena, Jeff Stryker doesn’t
count) or, better yet, if you would like to volunteer to be pictured naked for
the week, speak right on up.
And
here is the HorrorScope:
Just
in case you weren’t feeling quite over-the-hill enough this morning, Michael
Fishman, who played Roseanne’s son DJ on Roseanne,
turned THIRTY-TWO today.
Meanwhile,
We Just. Can’t. Even. with AssHatt Kelli today, so here’s this:
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys
Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of
the Penn rowing team.
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