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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Someone left my vagina cake out in the rain…

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, October TwennyTwoth, TwennyThirteen.  Happy Birthday to Darren, who turns Not Even Twenty-Four today, right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

Meanwhile, Our ever-so-lucky Gentle Readers are about to be the first folks in the known universe to hear that The Little Show That Could, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour , will be returning for one night only on Sunday, November 10 at 7:30 at L’Etage.  Get your tickets here:  Dammit.

In other news, from The First-World Gay People Problems Department, now that both Picturing Allen And Kevin Naked Week AND Picturing Peter’s Peter Week are (ahem) behind Us, We are flummoxed as to whom We should picture naked next.  We would, for example, picture Darren, it being his birthday and all, but We suspect he would blush.  And, being extremely fair, We suspect that he is a champion blusher.

(Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), We are now picturing Darren naked AND blushing.  Which is probably making him blush even more…(How can you tell it’s an endless loop…endless loop…endless loop…? (That there was a little computer joke (VERY little (Who said that?!?)) that We put in there for Darren, to make up for the naked business.  You’re welcome.)))

At any rate, if you have suggestions as to whom We should be picturing naked this week, (no, Dena, Jeff Stryker doesn’t count) or, better yet, if you would like to volunteer to be pictured naked for the week, speak right on up.

And here is the HorrorScope:

Just in case you weren’t feeling quite over-the-hill enough this morning, Michael Fishman, who played Roseanne’s son DJ on Roseanne, turned THIRTY-TWO today.

Meanwhile, We Just. Can’t. Even. with AssHatt Kelli today, so here’s this:

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.