Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, February 19st, 2014.
Happy Birthday, meanwhile, to BoBoB, who turns twenty-four today, somewhere in the suburbs of The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
Happy Birthday also to Johnnie, who also turns twenty-four today, right here IN The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Also, Happy Birthday to OurAmericanCousin Pete, who also turns twenty-four today. In Skokie. Which sounds as though it should be an endearing short nickname for something. Schenectady, perhaps. Or Saskatchewan. (We would go on with this joke, but We are bored of having to look up correct spellings for geographic place names. (We’ll take “Oh, The Places You’ll Never Go” for five hundred, Alex.))
Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Chris, who turned twenty-four yesterday, while We were attending to other matters. And also Happy Belated Birthday to Chris, who also turned twenty-four yesterday. And, if you think that’s confusing, Happy Belated Birthday to Caroline, who also turned twenty-four yesterday, and who has the same last name as Chris (the first Chris, not the second Chris), except for that one letter that he hollers at people about.
Additionally, Happy Belated Birthday to Evan, and to Mark, each of whom also turned twenty-four yesterday, nowhere near each other.
We have today entered the sign of Pisces, Our most recent video for which is above. Here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:
http://youtu.be/KMNgwWwNux8 Because you do that, don’t you? DON’T YOU?
And here, because We can resist no opportunity to share it, is Our FIRST Pisces video, starring Justin Bieber. Who, coincidentally, is a friend of Birthday Boy Evan:
In other news, because We apparently cannot go three days without Shit Falling Out Of The Sky, We are currently enduring some sort of bizarre thunderstorm. Which, on the plus side, does not cause One to have to shovel.
In other other news, while We have, this year, seen more Oscar™-nominated fillums than We have in quite some time, We are clueless as to who will take home statuettes, except to say that Our dreams? Have Best Art Direction all sewn up. (Also, thanks to Josh for last night’s cameo appearance.)
Moving on, here is what We now want you to do:
Think of all of your friends who live in, or know people who live in, or know people who know people who live in, Greater Bostonia or its environs. For example: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Mark Wahlberg. (Pay attention!) Now share the information in the following paragraphs with them, via SitOnMyFaceBook, or smokesignals, or autographed Calvin Klein™ underwear. (Sorry…We forgot Ourself for a moment there.):
LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour does Greater Bostonia!
On Friday, February 28th, We will be at Club Café in Boston:
SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1402244933363959/
On Monday, March 3rd, We will be at Opus Underground in Salem:
SitOnMyFaceBook event here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1379652125635846/
Thank you all in advance for alerting your Greater Bostonian friends. (You ARE alerting your Greater Bostonian friends, aren’t you? Each and every one of you has at least ONE SitOnMyFaceBook friend in Greater Bostonia…you have all been invited to these gigs, so go, say you are coming, and use the “Invite Friends” button to, ya know, invite your friends.)
And here’s the HorrorScope:
Two-thirds of the celebrities who were born today aren’t even famous. True fact.
And now, because We have a million and two, things to do, kootchie-kootchie-kootchie-koo, including, but not limited to, getting Our hurrrr did and going to the reading of Our new murder mystery, here, in lieu of call-and-response to AssHatt Kelli’s blatherings is A Reading From Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
It's nice to have you back. Welcome to Madame Olivia.
This is an excellent time to take a look at what constitutes enough for you, in the material realm. A friend of Madame Olivia's who is a moderate fellow talks about needing "a plentiful sufficiency." He is actually talking about food but Madame Olivia likes to apply it to finances, too. Research shows this is true: we need enough to cover things and have a bit of fun but beyond that happiness is not enhanced. So take a look and decide if you have enough or really need or want more. Then take appropriate action, starting with one tiny step.
Little Aries, Madame Olivia knows you like to win and hopes you don't feel guilty about it, as this can rob you of strength. Just go for it and let your inborn kindness to others flourish at the same time. You will find that the combination of ambition and kindness is unbeatable. You'll get what you want and honestly, everybody else will be the better for it too.
Keep your ears open for a special song.
Godspeed and good wishes from Madame Olivia until next time.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.