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Monday, May 12, 2014

Bye-bye, Miss American Pie

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManicottiMonday, May 12st  , 2014.

Happy Belated Birthday to Christine and to Dana, each of whom turned twenty-four this past weekend.

Also, Happy Duodecimo de Mayo to everybody else.

Speaking of birthdays, We are awaiting with bated breath (because We are nothing if not a master breath-bater) the arrival of Our birthday gift of tickets to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch starring Neil Patrick Harris and Leonard Nimoy…

(We are just going to keep right on saying that until that show closes, thereby demonstrating the utter futility of Creative ViZZZualization.  (Although apparently We have viZZZualized well enough that one poor deluded Gentle Reader actually imagines that We already HAVE said tickets.))

(How many of you are now picturing Leonard Nimoy as Yitzhak?  (We’ll wait.))

Speaking some more of birthdays (We are, after all, an ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopulist)), We had a  LovelyAndTalented friend over for dinner last night.  Who, because We had not seen him since prior to Our Own Personal twenty-fourth birthday, showed up at Our door with a cake to commemorate the occasion.  It had a big ol’ “E” on top.  Because he sometimes calls Us “E”.  Despite the fact that Our name is “Starzina”.  We like to imagine that “E” is for “Ecstasy”.

Actually, We like to imagine a lot of things.  But We do so love when people do nice things for Us.

And now, from The “It’s A Small World After All” Department, Our LovelyAndTalented friend informed Us that tomorrow (by which We now mean “today”), he was off to have his headshots done by Our WorldWideInterWebNetzian friend, Billy.

(Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), when you are LovelyAndTalented, you must frequently engage people to create photographic evidence of your loveliness, which you then  use to induce people to let you show them how talented you are, thereby obtaining gainful employment.)

(We were talking about acting…what did you think We were talking about?)

We were able to inform Our friend that Billy had just had a birthday this past week (his twenty-fourth…what a coinky-dink!), although We could not recall the date.  When We went to SitOnMyFaceBook to determine said date, We learned that Billy’s upcoming nuptial celebration had been derailed by a nefarious venue which had closed and absconded with his funds.  Please read about it and help out if you can here:

As all of Our Gentle Readers are no doubt aware, We are an ardent supporter of marriage equality.  (Despite the fact that no one ever wants to marry Us. (We are also an ardent athletic supporter, but that’s a digression too far.))  However, it is clear that the wedding industry is fraught with peril and evildoers, as anyone who recalls the brief meteoric career of Iris Holcombe, Wedding Consultant, will tell you.

(This story is further Small-Worldly-After-All as the Billy in question went to school with TCBITWWW…who will now be distributing this info to those folks.)

In other news, We suddenly find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the sign of Taurus, Our video for which is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:

Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Taurus video, which is somewhat of a fillum noir, if you will. (Or even if you won’t…since when is it all about you?):

Thank you, meanwhile, to everyone who came out for the radio play and/or The Mother of All Match Games.  Today’s Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!  Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Gerard Depardieu is of Charles Nelson Reilly, Brett Somers, and Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod backstage at the latter.  You’re welcome.

And now, you must stop whatever you are doing, because you cannot exist for one more moment on this planet without having experienced this:

And here’s the HorrorScope:

It is Jason Biggs’s birthday.  We’re not exactly sure what to do with that information, but We’re looking forward to the birthday pie.

You could charm the birds from the trees today  (What the fuck do We want with a bunch of birds?)

(Ya know, it took Us so long to write this today that We’re just gonna let the rest of it pass without commentary.  Feel free to chime in if the spirit moves you.)


— and you may need to do something equally impressive if you want to make the most of this terrific energy. Don’t be brash when you can be persuasive.  Your focus for the next few days will be on one thing, and one thing only: Making sure your dear ones feel warm, wonderful and, above all else, well-loved. And you’ll be extremely well equipped for the job. The universe has sent several planetary envoys to help you — but then, as fiery and determined as you are by nature, you may not need them. Defense is second only to offense on your list of specialties.  You’re eager to share your latest stories, but telling it all to someone new is only half of the getting-to-know-each-other process. Make it all about them for now — they love the attention.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.