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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, May 20st  , 2014.

Happy Birthday to Ginger, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.  Thereby causing Us to reflect upon people named after herbs and spices. Like Ginger. And Rosemary.  And Cinnamon on Mission:Impossible. (Although We can’t think of another example of a person named Cinnamon.)  And Angie Dickinson as Pepper Anderson on Policewoman. (Now THERE’S a brain cell We’ll never get back.)

This led, naturally (We being We), to speculation on ethnically-related herb-and-spice namesakes.  Are there, for example, Indian women named Curry?  That would probably depend upon the attractiveness, mellifluence-wise, of whatever the Indian word for “curry” is. Of course, the English word “Curry” is pleasant enough to be someone’s name (although We can’t think of anyone named Curry right off the top of Our head(s)), but if the Indian word for “curry” is “phlegmschmutz” or some such, they probably won’t be naming people that anytime soon.

We shall have to research this further the next time We need to call a customer service hotline.

Although, come to think of it, We know a lot more Italian women than We do Indian women, but We don’t know any named “Oregano”.  (Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), focusing on the word “Oregano” (which One does a lot less frequently than One might imagine) always makes Us think of Glenda Jackson, in some movie whose name escapes Us, going on and on about “ore-uh-GAH-no”, instead of “ore-RAY-guh-no”, making Us wonder if that’s an actual Britlandish pronunciation or just Glenda Jackson being a big ol’ freak.)


Of course, if it is pronounced Glenda Jackson’s way in Britland, it is much more likely that there are Italian women there named Oregano (Ore-uh-GAH-no)…


In other news, Happy Vigesimo de Mayo to everybody else.

Speaking of birthdays, We are awaiting with bated breath (because We are nothing if not a master breath-bater) the arrival of Our birthday gift of tickets to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch starring Neil Patrick Harris and Lynda Day George.

(We are just going to keep right on saying that until that show closes, thereby demonstrating the utter futility of Creative ViZZZualization.  (Although apparently We have viZZZualized well enough that one poor deluded Gentle Reader actually imagines that We already HAVE said tickets.))

(How many of you are now picturing Lynda Day George as Yitzhak?  (How many of you are now saying, “Who the fuck is Lynda Day George?”))

In other news, We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the sign of Taurus, Our video for which is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:

Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Taurus video, which is somewhat of a fillum noir, if you will. (Or even if you won’t…since when is it all about you?):

And here’s the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthday news, both Cher and Busta Rhymes were born today. As were Bronson Pinchot and Mindy Cohn. Them cupcakes is gonna be cray-cray!

Think more about the long-term today — your ideas are better suited to intricate plans than immediate tactical deployment.  (Ya know, it occurs to Us after Our discussion above, perhaps We should write a baby name book.)

You should be able to deal with people who are short-sighted.  (Do short-sighted people have seeing-eye Chihuahuas?)

(Try not to die laughing.)

You usually run your financial show on a tight budget, even if you don’t need to. (Wait…We have a show?)

And that goes for all aspects of your life, whether it’s the groceries, the necessities or the entertainment. (How exactly are groceries not a necessity?)

So when you let the world know that you’re ready to spend some money for real, don’t expect them to take the news without batting an eyelash. (Is it just Us, or would “The Unbatted Eyelash” be a great name for…something or another? (Not a baby…AssHatt.))

(It just occurred to Us that We’ve made it all this way without making a single Spice Girls joke…aren’t you proud of Us?)

(Orange you glad We didn’t say “banana”?)

They’ll be amazed and astounded — as will the lucky person you’re lavishing with attention.  (“Lavishing with attention” IS a euphemism, innit?)

 Volunteering is an excellent way to meet like-minded and cute people. (Random words do not always a sentence make.)

 Pick your favorite organization and dive right in. (Swedish Olympic Men’s Swim Team, here We come!)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.