Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (For That ‘Not-So-Fresh’ Feeling), May
8st , 2014.
Happy Belated Birthday to Matthew, and
Jackie, and OurAmericanCousin Pat, each of whom turned twenty-four yesterday.
Also, Happy Octavo de Mayo to everybody else.
Please imagine that Our Own Personal Kitchen
Nightmare continues apace next door for the elebenty-twelfth straight month. Seriously, every damn house on the block
could have a new kitchen by now.
And now, you must stop whatever you are
doing, because you cannot exist for one more moment on this planet without
having experienced this: http://shittywigsinproductionsofjoseph.tumblr.com/
In other news, We are awaiting with bated
breath (because We are nothing if not a master breath-bater) the arrival of Our
birthday gift of tickets to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch starring
Neil Patrick Harris and Nancy Kulp…
(We are just going to keep right on saying
that until that show closes, thereby demonstrating the utter futility of
Creative ViZZZualization. (Although
apparently We have viZZZualized well enough that one poor deluded Gentle Reader
actually imagines that We already HAVE said tickets.))
(How many of you are now picturing Nancy Kulp as Yitzhak? (We’ll wait.))
In still other news, We have two upcoming
shows which We would like to bring to your attention deficit disorder: this
very evening, We will be performing in the next installment of The
Walker and O’Dare Radio Mystery Hour at the Powel House. We should like to point out that, although in
the style of an old-time radio show, these are original scripts by a very talented
writer. This program is in danger of
cancellation (through no fault of its own…due to a change in management at the
Philadelphia Society for the Preservation of Landmarks), so We could really use
your support in Our efforts to remain at the Powel House or find a new home.
Please get your tickets here: http://philadelphia-society-for-the-preservation-of-landmar.ticketleap.com/walkerandodaremystery/
(We are told that said tickets are currently
HALF-PRICE (!) (We have apparently been
kidnapped by K-Mart. Again.))
Also, on Saturday, May 10th, the
WaitStaff will be playing The Mother of All Match Games at
L’Etage. In keeping with the Mothers Day
theme, We will be leaving Jesus H. Christ’s hippie wig at home, and performing
for the first time as Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod.
You won’t want to miss THAT! (In
order not to miss it, please get your tickets here:
and join in the SitOnMyFaceBook event
here:
In other news, We suddenly find Ourselves
(not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the sign of Taurus,
Our video for which is above, and here is the link with which you may share it
with your friends:
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone
in a tree, here is Our previous Taurus video, which is somewhat of a fillum
noir, if you will. (Or even if you won’t…since when is it all about you?):
And here’s the HorrorScope:
It is Enrique Iglesias’s birthday, a fact
which We point out mainly because it is so much fun to say “Enrique Iglesias”
out loud. No, really; try it and see…”Enrique
Iglesias”…see?
And now, because We have Places To Go and People To Do, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatt Kelli, a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
Welcome back and thank you for consulting
Madame Olivia.
Madame Olivia would like to remind you of the
balance between trust and suspicion. To be eternally trusting is to court
danger; to be eternally suspicious is to shut out much of life. It's helpful to
think of the two as end points on a spectrum and imagine the spectrum as slick
and smooth. This enables you to slide in the best direction on the spot so you
can react to a new stimulus appropriately. This is an instinct you can develop
and it can lead you to greater flexibility and happiness. Which Madame Olivia
is greatly in favor of!
Big jolly Jupiter is in Gemini, little Aries,
and shining his light on intimate communications in your life. Now is an
excellent time for you to take a look at these. With one or more of these
people you may have an impulse toward refining, deepening, enhancing,
reconnecting or even, if necessary, disconnecting to one degree or another.
Trust yourself on this. Jupiter is behind you.
You have been noticed
It's been a pleasure to be with you. Farewell
from Madame Olivia until we meet again.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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