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Friday, January 13, 2012

And the mailman won the lottery

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for FridayTheThirteenth, January 13, 2012.  Oooohhh, scaaaary, kidz!  Long-term Erix Daily Horoscope readers will recall that the first Friday the Thirteenth of every year is always dedicated around these parts to Kevin Bacon’s ass, which was first seen in a fillum by that name many moons (heh) ago. (Actually, his ass had no doubt been seen prior to that fillum, but that was its first (of many) appearance(s) on The Big Screen. (It is not often that We are thankful that We are not a famous movie star, but the contemplation of someone plastering Our ass across The Big Screen is almost enough to make Us so. (Where they would find A Big Screen big enough is a mystery to Us.  Possibly on one of the moons of Uranus…)))

But enough of this high-brow humor.  Happy birthday to John, who turns twenty-four today all the way out in San Francisco.  Where, in a tragic display of early-onset Alzheimer’s, Tony Bennett left his heart.  John was married prior to his arrival in said city, or We would most assuredly be able to ask him, if you get married in San Francisco, do they throw Rice-A-Roni™?  And, if so, is it a treat?

Now, of course, We’re just showing off for company.  So on to the reason We have company in the first place.  One of Our ex-son-in-laws…ex-sons-in-law? (Is it just Us, or does that look as though We’re trying to spell something out phonetically…”Exxon-in-slaw”…) This guy who used to bang Our daughter…

Let’S start over…

The author of the blog p squared to the nth (  ), with whom We are personally acquainted (that sounds even murkier, dunnit?  We try and try to sound like Jane Austen or one of the Bronte sisters, and yet everything We write sounds like it should start out “There once was a man from Nantucket…”  Sigh.) has nominated Us Our Own Self Personally for the prestigious Liebster Blog Award.

Now, We know what you’re thinking.  (Oh, yes, We do; We’re psychic.)  You’re thinking, “First of all, ‘Liebster Blog Award’  doesn’t rhyme with ‘Nantucket’.  And (B.), what the hell is a Liebster Blog Award?”

We are so glad you asked.

[Begin cut and paste]

Liebster is a German word that means dearest, and this award is given to bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve more recognition.

Here are the rules:
1.                   Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.
2.                   Link back to the blogger who awarded you.
3.                   Give your top 5 picks for the award.
4.                   Inform your top 5 by leaving a comment on their blogs.
5.                   Post the award on your blog.

[End cut and paste]

(The cut-and-paste tags are Petr’s, not Ours, so We feel comfortable picking the nit that says it should be “FEWER than 200 followers”, not “less than”.)

So first of all, thank you, Petr, for bestowing this honor upon Us, and for reminding Us that, even when We don’t know they’re there, people are reading Our e-pistles.  And in fact, Our Google-O-Meter™ informs Us that We have already had visitors who got here by way of the link on Petr’s blog.  Frequent topics on psquared to the nth include tennis, American Idol, and recovery (not usually all in the same installment), and here is that link again:

Now, of course, in Our effort to pay it forward, We run into a similar problem to Petr’s.  We read a lot of well-known big-deal bloggers (Joe.My.God, Kenneth in the (212)), but very few small little-known folks, and many of those seem to have dried up entirely and never update.  Which, We imagine, is part of the point of this award. So We don’t have five nominees, but, as Petr said when accepting his award, we shall strive to find Our missing three, and update you when We do.

NOMINEE NUMBER ONE: This one was simplicity itself.  If you come to Erix Daily Horoscope for the astrology, you are no doubt sorely disappointed.  If you want someone who actually knows where Uranus is at any given moment (and, more to the point, knows what to do with Uranus once he finds it), you want to be following AstroGeek’s SkyWatch: 

NOMINEE NUMBER B: This nominee does not technically qualify, as she has far more than 200 followers.  However, We suspect that she will be far better equipped to come up with her own five nominees than We are, so, in the interest of paying it forward in a way that actually pays it forward, We give you VodkaMom: , whose tales of being a newly-single kindergarten teacher never fail to amuse.  (Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), there are those who don’t believe that We would be entertained by stories about adorable little moppets in kindergarten because We don’t like children.  This is patently untrue.  We like children as much as the next person, as long as they are lightly sautéed and served with a nice Béarnaise sauce.)

There. As soon as We are through here, We shall go inform Our nominees.  And We promise to be Sally Cato on a hunt for three more deserving denizens of Bloggonia.

(How polite of you all to just let that Sally Cato reference slide by.)

Meanwhile, if you’re new here, go watch this:

 And share it with all your friends:

This is where We would generally have a random Charlene Tilton reference.  However, in honor of Petr, today We shall have a random Kelly Clarkson reference.  Followed by The HorrorScope:

You should do whatever you can to stick to your routines today  (Mmm-hmm. Like anyone wants to see Us twirl a baton.)

— otherwise, you may find that your energy is spent on putting out fires or otherwise wasted.  (It is unclear to Us how exactly putting out a fire can be construed as wasting energy.  Asshat.)

Sometimes boredom is an asset!  (You say “asset” and We say “asshat”; you say “potato” and we say “shut the front door”.   (What a stupid song.))

Just because you have to deal with mundane responsibilities doesn’t mean you can’t have fun while you do it! (Yeah.  Because nothing says “fun” like some mundane responsibilities.)

 Let your creativity guide you today, and you will easily come up with fun combinations, unusual arrangements and intriguing ideas that will help the day go faster. (Coming up with all those things sounds an awful lot like work…can’t We just hire somebody?)

A simple thing like eating lunch a bit later will help to break up your tasks into more-interesting chunks. (Does anyone have any idea whatsoever what the hell this bitch is nattering on about?  Jeebus Cripes, We’ve got COMPANY in here today, and THIS is the boring ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopulation) you’re dishing out?  “Eat lunch a little later”?  Yeah, maybe We’ll put an extra ice cube in Our Kool-Aid™ while We’re at it.  Yippee-kai-yi-fuckin’yay.)

 Plus, a revised schedule will help you see something that you’ve been missing.  (Zzzzzzzzz…)

Getting the feeling no one is grasping the urgency of your current situation? (Hey, you’re the idiot who said putting out fires was a waste of energy.  How about We set your hair on fire and watch you change your tune?)

 It might not be entirely their fault. (Well, fine.  Then We need a scapegoat, pronto.)

The next time you want some understanding, explain the problem without the drama.  (Wow.  Harsh. Is that any way to talk to a Liebster Award Winner?)

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.