Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for ThirtySomethingDay, January 12, 2012. We don’t recall ever actually watching ThirtySomething, so We have nothing cogent to say about it, but it popped into Our heads, so there it is. (Actually, We have nothing cogent to say about anything. The nothing that We had the day before yesterday, added to the less-than-nothing We had yesterday, is a whole big pile of Something compared to the nothingness of today’s nothing. Of course, We did manage to decide to pursue a career as a high school English teacher, so We suppose that’s something. But not ThirtySomething. Although hopefully EighteenSomething, or We shall wind up in the klink. (Colonel Hogan!!! (You knew to read that with a bad German accent, ja?))
So We just Googled ThirtySomething on Wikipedia. There is absolutely nothing interesting about it. So thanks for that dead-ended brain fart, The Universe.
In other news, We went out to dinner last night, and We were the only people in the restaurant. (Well, the only people who didn’t work there. It would not have been much of a dining experience without cooks and waiters.) It was just like a scene from a soap opera, where restaurants all seem to have private dining rooms. Apparently, real life can’t afford extras any more either.
Before We continue, We should point out that, in Our never-ending desire to amuse and titillate all y’all, We have changed today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Justin Timberlake In Justin Bieber Just In Time For A Porn Convention no less than six times, before finally settling on the composition you see here, which is entitled Lemur Eating A Watermelon. You’re welcome.
Go watch this:
Share it with all your friends:
And check out the other videos at: http://www.youtube.com/user/RickinPhilly?feature=mhee
Perhaps if We mention Christopher Atkins instead of Charlene Tilton… Alternatively, The HorrorScope:
Your creative ideas are coming quickly today — almost too quickly to record — so make sure that you’ve got good people around to help you make the most of this burst of inspiration! (Gee. If only someone were (subjunctively) writing this horoscope down.)
No one is standing in your way anymore (Why, then, does the sun continue to be eclipsed?)
— it’s just you in charge of your life, (Well, THAT’LL never work.)
and it’s time you realized that you have more power than you have ever had before. (Indeed so. We get the private dining room without even asking for it.)
This could be a frightening realization for you, (BOO!)
but if you are afraid of anything, you should fear inaction the most. (So We should do something about that then, yes?)
Push forward in a major way in at least one area of your life today. (Ya know, ya say that, and then the next thing ya know, We’re doing the Hokey-Pokey, and shaking it all about. And trust Us, no one wants to see that.)
Make a change that you never felt you could make before, and you will get a taste of what’s possible. (It will, no doubt, taste just like chicken.)
Romance can sneak up on you when you least expect it. (So can the Spanish Inquisition. We always get those two confused.)
So always be ready for Cupid to strike. (Oh, yes, indeed. Our life is always chock full of Cupid stunts.)
Look your best (Good luck with that.)
even when heading out to the grocery store. (Oddly enough, that is exactly what is on Our agenda after this.)
Get ready to flirt! (At the Ack-A-Me? Are you kidding Us?)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.