Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for SatireDay, January 21, 2012. Yes, ladies and genitals, you are receiving an Erix Daily Horoscope on a Saturday! Oh, you lucky, lucky people! We just couldn’t wait to rush Our latest Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video to all of you video lovers out there! So click on it above, and share it with your friends by dropping this link on their SitOnMyFaceBook pages: http://www.youtube.com/
And check out the other videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/RickinPhilly?feature=mhee
In other news, happy birthday to Brandon, who turns twenty-four today. Also, happy birthday to Peter, who also turns twenty-four today. Also also, happy birthday to Blake, who also also turns twenty-four today. He is probably not reading this, but perhaps some kind soul will forward it to him. Since it is such an odd coincidence that he’s turning twenty-four on the same day as so many other people.
If you’re expecting a full-blown horoscope, you are about to be sorely disappointed. (If you’re expecting to be fully blown, We’ll be right over. (If you’re expecting, boil some water and call a midwife; Homey doan play dat.)) After all, We have snow to shovel. But if you’re truly jonesing for Our wit and wisdom, go (re)read yesterday’s Morgan Freeman installment. It was a big hit, especially in China.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.