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Thursday, August 16, 2012

My head started reeling; you gave me the feeling the room had no ceiling or floor…

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for  Thursday, August 16, 2012.  Oh.  Mah.  Gawd.  People.  Julie Newmar’s birthday AND Lesley Ann Warren’s birthday are ON THE SAME DAY?!?!?  How did We never know this before?  And how pissed off must Kathie Lee Gifford be?  Of course, the important question here is, is your workplace giving you the holiday today, or tomorrow, to make it a three-day weekend?  Or are you one of the lucky people who gets BOTH days?

Other than that, We got nothin’.  Although, with two days of student fillum shooting and The Match Game coming up, We shall no doubt have plenty of material by Our next e-pissode.

And here is Our new-and-improved The Match Game blurb:

Everyone’s favorite sketch comedy troupe The WaitStaff will be doing two Very Special Preview Performances of their Fringe show, The Real Housewives of South Philly Play The Match Game!, on Sunday, August 19 at 7 and on Thursday, August 23 at 7:30 at L’Etage.  SitOnMyFaceBook events have more info here and here and tickets are available here: 
The contestants for these performances will be artists from other (funny) Fringe shows:
John D'Alonzo (Ivona, Princess of Burgundia)
Kristin Finger (ComedySportz)
Bill McKinlay ( Alphabet Plays)
Greg Nix (Jeff Coon and Ben Dibble Must Die)
Sarah Schol (Raw Stitch)
Paul Triggiani (Grimacchio Variety Hour)

Darryl Charles (ComedySportz)
Jeff Soles (Wawapalooza 6)
Steve Mclean (Fringe Wraiths)
Jefrey Wilkerson (I Hate Monologues)

Viva La Fringe!

Here’s the HorrorScope:

It’s time to dust off that treadmill (So it’s boring AND We have to clean it?  Get it the fuck outta here!)

or venture out for a nice, long hike (In THESE shoes?)

— things are looking up for you and your people, (Even if We DID have people (which We don’t), We’d have given them the day off for Julie Newmar and Lesley Ann Warren’s birthdays.)

but that could just mean that you’re even more in need of some sweating!  (That sounds attractive.)

 Don’t act too rashly today (Ooooohhh!!!  Sweat AND a rash.  What’s next, boils?)

— your impulsive side lacks an accurate perspective on what is going on right now.  (Wait….there’s something going on?)

And if you follow your impulses today, (It’ll probably be better for all concerned than if We follow them tomorrow, when We are surrounded by The Young People.)

 you will be regretting it tomorrow. (How can We regret what We never gretted in the first place?)

Today is a day for you to stick with things, (Sweat, a rash, and now We’re sticking to things.  Our dermatologist is gonna make a fortune.)

and see them through. (We’re pretty sure no matter what We do, you can’t see through Us.)

Keep your focus limited (Trust Us, it is.)

to one or two things and try not to get distracted by other people’s dramas. (You know what They say: “Save the drama for the Dalai Lama.”  (We never have any idea what They are talking about.))

There is nothing urgent enough going on right now (That’s not what you said earlier.)

that deserves to take your attention away from what you are working on.  (Sorry…what did you say?)

You’re on a hot streak right now. (Trust Us, if We go streaking, it will not be hot.)

Someone who’s been watching you from afar wants to get closer, (How creepy does THAT sound?)

but they’re gripped by intimidation. (Not as creepy as THAT.  (La grippe, la grippe, la post nasal drippe.))

Put everyone around you at ease (“At ease, soldier.”  Heh.  Foghorn Leghorn said that just last weekend.)

— laugh a little more and don’t forget to flirt. (More importantly, don’t forget not to fart when you mean to flirt.  Because the two are pretty much mutually exclusive.)


(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.