Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, June 26, 2013. Happy Birthday to Greg, who turns not-quite-twenty-four today somewhere called E-Town. Which sounds like a Very Gay Circuit Party from the last decade, but actually isn’t, because the E stands for “Elizabeth”, not “Ecstasy”. Indeed, come to think of it, a whole lot of things stand for “Elizabeth”…Liz, Beth, Betty, etc. Not, perhaps, as many things as stand for “Margaret”, but then, who the hell is called Margaret anymore?
We are getting Our caffeine from tea this morning, so We are relatively certain We are overcaffeinated. Whatevs.
Happy Birthday also to Jordan, who turns even-less-like-twenty-four-than-Greg today, either somewhere in suburbia or somewhere in Vermont. Which We have always pictured to be entirely made up of suburbia, and maple syrup farms, maple syrup growing, as it does, on trees, and wasn’t Bob Newhart’s inn in Vermont on his TV show where he wasn’t a psychiatrist?
Oh, dear. And Micro$oft Weird™ would have Us believe that “overcaffeinated” isn’t a word.
We cannot recall (and We certainly cannot be arsed to research) whether We mentioned in these hallowed pages that, a few weeks back, We read The Perks of Being A Wallflower, and that We highly recommend it. Well, last night We watched the fillum, and We highly recommend it as well, as being an entirely different experience from the book, which is peculiar, because the fillum was written and directed by Stephen Chbosky, the author of the book, and when you look at the deleted scenes…well, editing that fillum had to hurt. So go read a book and see a fillum.
As you can see, Our latest video, Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: CANCER 2013 is above.
If you’ve been paying attention (oh, relax; We know you haven’t), you will note that this is the fourth installment in a (so far) four e-pissode story arc. Because We’re a writer like that, and stuff.
We would like you to take this link to said video http://youtu.be/e-EpBAfem_M and email it to your friends. Or put it on their SitOnMyFacebook pages. Or, if they are having a Cancer birthday, wish them a happy birthday with it. Seriously, people…is this so difficult?
And, having just heard the news that both discriminatory DOMA and California’s Prop 8 are history, We will be cutting this short to go perform some ablutions, because clearly, at any moment, suitors will begin arriving to ask for Our hand in marriage.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.