Hello, Ducks!
Starzina
Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for ThurstonHowellTheThirdsDay,
June 20st, 2013. No one, apparently, is
having a birthday today, and SitOnMyFaceBook would certainly tell Us if they
(subjunctively) were. But James
Gandolfini died, and who the hell saw THAT coming?
In
other news, warm kisses on your opening to Bryan. Who has an opening today. Well, presumably, he has an opening EVERY
today, but today, he’s getting warm kisses on it. We can feel him glowing from here.
Other
than that, We have just a few randomosities from the WorldWideInterWebNetz to
share…
For
Our musical theatre queen Gentle Readers (and Bryan), go to Twatter and check
out @AngrySondheim.
If you
rearrange the letters in the word 'Faith' you can spell 'microwave'. Don't try
it out just believe me.
When I was
born, I was given a choice; big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I
picked.
In still other news, you will notice
the appearance above of Our new Starzina’s
Time of the Month Horoscope: GEMINI 2013 video. We expect you will do
your usual bang-up job of sharing it with all of your friends using this link: http://youtu.be/Yj7enrUk6js
, because you care about Us like that.
For those who enjoy history, here is
Our Gemini 2011 video, which was Our very first one:
And now the HorrorScopes:
Nicole Kidman, John Goodman, and Martin
Landau all have birthdays today. How is
it possible that none of these people is Our SitOnMyFaceBook friend?
Your emotional side is hyperactive now (WHAT
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???? SHUT
UP!!!! WE’VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF
YOU!!!!)
(That was fun.)
— so make sure that you’re being clear with
the most important people in your life. (Mmm-hmm. Because they’re so clear with Us.)
You have also got to be honest with yourself
while you’re at it! (Lies!)
It’s
not possible to have everyone like you in life. (That depends entirely on how
many warm kisses you dispense upon how many openings.)
Sure, you know this intellectually, (We are
trying (and, unfortunately, failing) to invent an adverbial form of “Uranus” at
this point. Had We (subjunctively)
succeeded, there would have been a really funny joke. Sorry.)
but emotionally it can be hard to accept the
fact that not everyone is your fan (How many of Our Gay Gentle Readers just
mentally said, “Because I am not. One of your. Fans.”? Fags.)
— especially today, when you miss out on
something fun. (We had fun last night.
And We shall have fun again tomorrow.
Today, We shall do laundry.)
If you’re struggling to stay cheerful about
this, just keep concentrating on the fact that the world has to accept you for
who you are. (Hahahahahahahahahaha….take THAT, stupid world!)
The more you compromise in order to win
people over, the less genuine you are. (It’s
all about sincerity. If you can fake
that, you’ve got it made.)
A casual meeting goes awry, (Also, askew and
akimbo.)
and
you want to give this person a piece of your mind. (Oh, no, We don’t! We only have a few pieces left! And none of them match.)
A lasting connection is possible if you go
into the encounter with clarity and compassion, not revenge, in mind. (How can
We revenge, when We never venged to begin with?)
In
gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but
better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For
real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good
friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own
epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by
comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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