Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for ThurstonHowellTheThirdsDay, June 20st, 2013. No one, apparently, is having a birthday today, and SitOnMyFaceBook would certainly tell Us if they (subjunctively) were. But James Gandolfini died, and who the hell saw THAT coming?
In other news, warm kisses on your opening to Bryan. Who has an opening today. Well, presumably, he has an opening EVERY today, but today, he’s getting warm kisses on it. We can feel him glowing from here.
Other than that, We have just a few randomosities from the WorldWideInterWebNetz to share…
For Our musical theatre queen Gentle Readers (and Bryan), go to Twatter and check out @AngrySondheim.
If you rearrange the letters in the word 'Faith' you can spell 'microwave'. Don't try it out just believe me.
When I was born, I was given a choice; big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I picked.
In still other news, you will notice the appearance above of Our new Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: GEMINI 2013 video. We expect you will do your usual bang-up job of sharing it with all of your friends using this link: http://youtu.be/Yj7enrUk6js , because you care about Us like that.
For those who enjoy history, here is Our Gemini 2011 video, which was Our very first one:
And now the HorrorScopes:
Nicole Kidman, John Goodman, and Martin Landau all have birthdays today. How is it possible that none of these people is Our SitOnMyFaceBook friend?
Your emotional side is hyperactive now (WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???? SHUT UP!!!! WE’VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU!!!!)
(That was fun.)
— so make sure that you’re being clear with the most important people in your life. (Mmm-hmm. Because they’re so clear with Us.)
You have also got to be honest with yourself while you’re at it! (Lies!)
It’s not possible to have everyone like you in life. (That depends entirely on how many warm kisses you dispense upon how many openings.)
Sure, you know this intellectually, (We are trying (and, unfortunately, failing) to invent an adverbial form of “Uranus” at this point. Had We (subjunctively) succeeded, there would have been a really funny joke. Sorry.)
but emotionally it can be hard to accept the fact that not everyone is your fan (How many of Our Gay Gentle Readers just mentally said, “Because I am not. One of your. Fans.”? Fags.)
— especially today, when you miss out on something fun. (We had fun last night. And We shall have fun again tomorrow. Today, We shall do laundry.)
If you’re struggling to stay cheerful about this, just keep concentrating on the fact that the world has to accept you for who you are. (Hahahahahahahahahaha….take THAT, stupid world!)
The more you compromise in order to win people over, the less genuine you are. (It’s all about sincerity. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.)
A casual meeting goes awry, (Also, askew and akimbo.)
and you want to give this person a piece of your mind. (Oh, no, We don’t! We only have a few pieces left! And none of them match.)
A lasting connection is possible if you go into the encounter with clarity and compassion, not revenge, in mind. (How can We revenge, when We never venged to begin with?)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.