Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Greetings, Early Reports Indicate Chiaroscuro---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, April 07, 2010 (Happy Hump Day, and welcome to an extremely abbreviated edition of Eric’s Daily Horoscope. We are off to beg, as actors do, for work, and, although We chose it totally at random, We are feeling every bit as attractive, although possibly slightly less talented, than the subject of today’s Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Mais Oui Catherine Deneuve Inky Dinky Parlez Vous. The only reason We are telling all y’all this is so We don’t just say “fu(k it” and go back to bed.):


(Oh, and then, this evening, We have school.)


(Sigh.)


(On the plus side, We haven’t seen a cubicle in months.)


(Since We ate your brains yesterday, We figger that’s about all you can handle for one day. On with the show!)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


It's time for change of the not-so-subtle variety. (Well, that’s good. Because We are afraid We left Our suBtlety in Our other pants.)


This will no doubt be made quite evident to others by your actions, (No doubt.)


should anyone be (Subjunctively.)


foolish enough to challenge you. (Halt! Who goes there? (Great…We can’t even do a horoscope; what the h3ll are We gonna do at an audition?))


Don't buckle under, (Buckle up for safety, buckle up! Also, build me up, build me up, Buttercup Baby.)


(If anyone knows what the h3ll We’re talking about, please don’t tell Us. We don’t want to know. )


(Random Johnny Depp reference.)


but do go easy (We are nothing if not easy.)


on innocent bystanders -- and friends who once thought they knew you. (Kill ‘em all, and let G0d sort ‘em out.)


An emotional firestorm may be in the offing. (Hmm. Wherever did We leave Our asbestos bumbershoot? (Unlike Our American Cousin, which is, of course, the play that Lincoln was watching when he was shot, Our Asbestos Bumbershoot was a radio serial that was favored by Chester A. Arthur. (Unlike Lincoln, Chester A. Arthur was not assassinated. But Millard Fillmore’s mother was black. (Now that We have gotten you an A in American History, won’t you please go to Our audition for Us? KThxBye.))))


The good news is there are lots of ways to enjoy the heat without actually getting burned. (Well, you know what They say: If you can’t stand the heat, cut a b1tch in the kitchen.)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

cowgrass….the other other white meat)