One Pink Lady and how it turned ‘em on

Greetings, Ephesians Regret Inviting Corinthians---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, April 6, 2010 (So didja hear where California had a big earthquake? Mmm-hmm. Rehearsal. Stay tuned.):


(Speaking of rehearsal, We just wrote Our WaitStaff rehearsal schedule into Our actual datebook, thereby making it real. Day-um, We have a helluva lot of rehearsal for stuff people think We just make up on the spot. Now if We could just figger out who to bill those hours to…)


(We have less than nothing to report. In fact, if you were (subjunctively) to think of today’s Eric’s Daily Horoscope as a black hole, and imagine that you would know less when you finished reading it than you did when you started, you wouldn’t be far from the truth. (Most of you, however, would continue to be far from Duluth.))


(See? Just reading that last bit killed off a couple of brain cells you’ll never get back.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Expect to see your name in the paper after you're done being interviewed for the evening news and CNN. (Lone Gunman In Belltower Kills Fourteen, Wounds Thirty-Seven. Film at eleven. All good girls go to Heaven. But bad girls go EVERYWHERE.)


Once the glare of those bright lights has disappeared and you've collected what remains of your energy, (To say nothing (nothing!) of what remains of Our wits. (What happens when you’re down to your last wit? Can you still collect that? And is your last whit of wit more than or less than your last wit? And how do all of the foregoing relate to your last nerve? And what of the last straw…you know, the one that smoked a Camel on Brokeback Mountain? Inquiring minds want to know.))


(Kiss your brain goodbyeeeeee…and point Brenda Vaccaro…)


there'll also be autographs to sign. (Also commitment papers.)


Whew! (We’ll take “Words That Begin And End With W” for $500, Alex. What is “widow”…”willow”…winnow”…”wallow”.)


(Wow. (Heh.) Your brain is actually starting to eat itself. It’s like zombie cannibal brain. (Forget We said that…We just accidentally gave away a brilliant screenplay idea.))


Determined? Definitely. (And yet, only finitely ermined. Go figger.)


Hot on the trail? (More to the point, hot on the happy trail. (Did We mention that We spent last evening with college students? (Didja ever notice that the word “stud” is in there for a reason?)))


Absolutely. Discreet? No. (Absolutely FAAAAAABulous! Stoli, Sweetie Darling!)


Consider which of those qualities might be best received before you set out on your quest. (To follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far…to scream peanut butter ice cream.)


(In all honesty, your brain never stood a chance. Seriously. It’s a BLACK HOLE, folks.)


Whatever you've been telling yourself you really ought to say to the powers that be is exactly what you should say -- now. (Yeah, but, see, you’re assuming that, when We tell Ourself things, We listen.)


You're right, and you'll know it soon. (But if We don’t know it yet, doesn’t that mean that We’re wrong? No, really…THINK ABOUT IT.)


(What’s that you say? Only one brain cell left?)


(How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?)










(Strawberry.)




(BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!!!!!!!)



(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

This is cowgrass. This is your brain on cowgrass. Any questions?)