He’s The Wiz and he lives in Oz

Greetings, Extensions Reblackenize Indochinese Coiffure---


(Oh, fercrissakes, Micro$oft Weird™, don’t you know ANYTHING? Reblackenize: (vt) to blackenize again. (Blackenize: (vt) to cause to be blackener.) The opposite of rewhitelize. Read a book now and then. Jeebus.)


(Heh. “Rewhitelize”. We kill Us.)


Here is your horoscope for Thursday, April 8, 2010 (The weather, she is lovely, no? Lamentably, We find Ourselves under it. It is unclear to Us whether We have a cold, or whether We have developed allergies late in life. Clearly, Our male menopause is giving Us pause. Our throat is scratchy, Our nose is runny, and Our eyes are watery. We are great fun at parties. (There is also a pimple on Our butt. Which is, presumably, unrelated. But We thought you ought to know. (There isn’t really a pimple on Our butt. We just couldn’t think of a funny way to end this paragraph. Obviously, this wasn’t it.))):


(Comedy is hard. Speaking of which, as it has come to Our attention that it has been a while since We’ve had a video in here, here’s this. Abraham Lincoln is in it. It is not safe for work. (We’re gonna pause here for a mo-mo while y’all try to wrap your heads around the ramifications of the last two sentences.) Aaaaaaaannnddd here We go….)

(Okay, kidz, We waited AN HOUR for the video to "process", and it didn't. So now all y'all are just gonna hafta IMAGINE Abraham Lincoln in a not-safe-for-work video. You're welcome.)

(In other news, thank you to Our Sistah Ovella, who wished Us break a leg on Our audition yesterday.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


Ugh. (Seriously? You actually started your Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulation) with “Ugh.” Way to be “glass half full”, @sshat.)


It feels like the whole world is playing dodge ball, and you want no part of it. (Is it just Us, or does dodge ball absolutely epitomize everything that is stupid about sports?)


Your mantra for today? 'Whatever.' (Our mantra for tomorrow? ‘Totally’.)


(Really, if One knew this Kelli person in real life, wouldn’t One simply be compelled to kill her with an axe?)


Remember, (The Alamo. (We forget (heh) exactly why, but it sounds a lot better than “remember the enema.”))


every day can't be great, (Oh, the cheerfulness, it scalds Us.)


or how could you appreciate them? (“Them”? Who are “them”? How ‘bout somebody translates this cr@p into Engrish for Us, ‘kay?)


You've had all the bickering you can stand. (And yet, not NEARLY enough dickering. (Heh. See what We did there?))


You're ready to deliver an extremely terse good-bye. (Kiss the terse goodbyeeeee….and point your @ss at Charo…)


(Yeah, We know. We just did that joke recently. YOU try writing this cr@p every day.)


You're not quite comfortable with the way things are going, but at least you have a plan -- which is more than your opponent can say. (We’d like you to meet Our opponent, Helen Keller. WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!)


Have your competitors met at the door by someone to gently inform them that this just isn't the best day to compete with you. (Wait…We have opponents AND competitors? Did We mention that We weren’t feeling well? Couldn’t We just have components? Or impeditors? (Oh, sure; now “impeditors” isn’t a word. Don’t MAKE Us reblackenize yo’ @ssz.))


Handing out flowers might soften the blow even further. (On the other hand, handing out bl0wj0bs is free. (But then We’d have to take “soften” out of the sentence.))


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

cowgrass…when you care enough to send the very best)