So grab your d1ck and double-click for p0rn, p0rn, p0rn

Greetings, Event Recurs Inevitably, Calendar-wise---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, April 13, 2010 (Oh, my dears. One of Those Dreams. (No, not THOSE; get your mind out of the gutter…it’s crowding out Ours.) One of those scary, scary dreams that’s so scary not because there are fire-breathing monsters and shape-shifting cannibals and Republicans, but is instead so scary because it’s so exactly like what could happen in real life. We are having douche-chills just reflecting on it, so We cannot even begin to tell you about it, but suffice it to say that We were at a party that We Our Own Selves Personally had organized and…no, We were right the first time; We cannot even begin to tell you about it.):


(We shall instead tell you to go visit the WaitStaff on SitOnMyFaceBook, where We are rapidly approaching 400 fans: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/The-WaitStaff/177605379471?ref=ts (We shall probably have to make a big to-do and give something away when We get to 500…anybody want a kidney?) Also, check out Our upcoming show page at http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=113934875292286&ref=mf Information about actually buying the tickets you are pretending to want for The Mother of All Sketch Comedy Shows will appear there soon.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)



Your life is going to change in more ways than you can probably imagine in the near future. (Is that a threat?)


Not only is there a New Moon in your sign, (But there’s a free set of Ginsu steak knives. In case you all of a sudden get served a Ginsu steak. Clazy Chinamen.)


but the planet of sudden change, (Menopausia?)


Uranus, is headed for Aries and will be there by mid-year. (And if you think THAT’S impressive, wait’ll ya see what’s headed for Uranus!)


Uranus is all about doing things differently to the way you used to do them before. (Betcha didn’t know THAT, didja? Buttsecks…it’s not just for breakfast any more.)


Where in your life do you want to break free from the past? (More importantly, where in your life do you want to break free from the pants? Suffer the n@ked skimmers to come onto…er, unto Us.)


Incidentally, Uranus is also about progressiveness and modernity (Put THAT in Uranus and smoke it. (Uranus jokes just don’t get old, do they?))


and for that reason is associated with the Internet. (This may come as a surprise to all y’all, as We know it did to Us, the fact that Uranus is associated with the InterNetz. However, upon reflection, We recalled the old adage that arguing on the InterNetz is like running in the Special Olympics; even if you win, you’re still retarded.)


(Because it cannot be said enough, Johnny Depp.)


Explore work (Go fu(k yourself.)


and other Internet options now. (The InterNetz are for p0rn.)



(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

“cow” then g-r-a-s-s, cowgrass spells the very best…chocolate)