The river was deep but I swam it, Janet

Greetings, Excrement Resented Intermittent Cement---


Here is your horoscope for Thursday, April 22, 2010 (Happy birthday to Bill, who turns twenty-four today. And a very happy Earth Day to the rest of you. In honor of Earth Day, today’s Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Yves Montand Saint Laurent Petit Pois In The Band is a little treat for Our vegetarian and vegan friends. (Kinda makes ya crave a burger, no? (We Our Own Self Personally were recently introduced to the joys of In-n-Out Burger. Mmmmm…burgers. (What the h3ll were We talking about? Oh, yeah. The Earth, and sh1t. Whatevs.)))):


(In other news, We have just landed Ourselves another g@y sensitivity training gig. Because We are oh-so-very sensssssssitive. (Sorry…did We spit on you? (Usually We get paid to do that, ya know. (Oh, who are We kidding? We can’t even give it away.))))


(As you can see, We got nothin’. We are still re-acclimating to Our routine, and We have a to-do list that’s as long as something that’s really long. On the other hand, she wore a glove. Also, Our ta-da list is lamentably short. A fact which We would rectumfy if We could.)


(Our comedeez, clearly they are spinning out of control. Burn, baby, burn, disco in Sterno™.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


This weekend, (Say WHUT?)


Venus moves into your third house of communications, thoughts and Your Every Day life, (Does that sound cluttered to y’all? ‘Cause it sounds cluttered to Us. If you think it’s cluttered, but it’s not, Grey Poupon™.)


(Who’s decompensating?)


(More to the point, who’s alarmed that Micro$oft Weird™ doesn’t think “decompensating” is a word?)


where she'll stay for around four weeks. (Well, how nice for HER lazy @ssz! We sure hope she brings her own maid.)


This is a wonderful transit if life has been a little tough over the past few days or even weeks. (Mmm-hmm. Try that sentence over again, starting out “This is a wonderful tranny…” Much better, no?)


People are going to be extra drawn to you as Venus gives you the gift of the Charming Gab – (We are just itching for a “scab” pun here. (Heh.) I anyone thinks of one, lettuce know.)


your words are going to be more seductive to Someone Else's ears than ever. (Seducing ears now, are We? And We wonder how other people get fu(ked in the head…)


(If you accidentally conjured mental pixtures during that last bit, We shall pause here while you mental floss. You’re welcome.)


For that reason, if you want to tell someone how much you care for them, the coming four weeks are the ideal time. (Did We mention that Johnny Depp missed Our birthday?)


Also this month, pay attention to those around you (Sorry…what did you say?)


(See what We…oh, never mind.)


- you may not have realized how much love there is in your life, especially in your immediate environment. (Do you know how hard it is to get that stuff out of upholstery?)


Take no one's love for granted! (Granite, schmanet, Janet!)


(What? YOU’RE the ones who left Us here all alone.)






(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com/




so make it cowgrass, or make it yourself)