In my Easter bonnet with Donna Mills upon it

Greetings, Easter Rabbit Isn’t Chinchilla---


Here is your horoscope for Sunday, April 04, 2010 (Happy Easter to all of Our Christian friends! And Happy Zombie Jeebus Day to all of Our formerly Christian friends! And Happy Birthday to Ronnen, who turns twenty-four today! And Happy Weather! And Happy Interrobangs! Happy, Happy, Happy!):


(As you can see, We have precious little to report. We could tell you what We got in the mail the other day, but then We’d have to kill you. Also, We had a dream last night in which We had inherited a Tony-Soprano-esque business, complete with a Carmella-like wife and a right-hand-man with obvious aspirations for Our job. Except it didn’t take place in the suburbs of North Jersey, but rather in some dank dungeon of a concrete edifice which didn’t seem to have a bathroom. (Sooner or later, all of Our dreams wind up involving the bathroom. Our world and welcome to it.) We are wondering what, if anything, having too many ravioli and meatballs for dinner had to do with said dream.)


(Kiss Us quick, We’re James Gandolfini.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


You can safely act on your first impulse now in any and all circumstances. (Oh, you should probably not have told Us THAT.)


You've been bestowed with wisdom, well-deserved confidence and uncannily good timing. (BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!!! (Also, how bizarre a word is “uncannily”? (Which does NOT, oddly enough, mean “recently let out of the can”.)))


Needless to say, (SO DON’T FU(KING SAY IT THEN!!!)


the fans will be quite impressed. (AAaaaaaannnnddd she said it anyway.)


Don't leave home without a stack of business cards. (See, this was all sounding like a really fun day until that bit. Can We make them monkey business cards?)


No matter how irritating your dear one happens to be, you'll rise above it all and be patient. (Yeah…you’re gonna wanna look at Chapter One of your Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulation) for Dumbasses book again. See also Aries: Impatient.)


Take one giant step now in any direction. (You are still just standing there, riiiight? Because she never said, “Simon says”.)


You'll end up on Park Place with tons of money tucked under your side of the board. (New York is where I’d razzer stay…I get allergic smelling hay.)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

It takes two hands to handle a cowgrass)