Greetings, Eggs Redyed Iridescent Chartreuse---Here is your horoscope for Saturday, April 03, 2010 (Happy Holy Saturday! You do all realize that if biblical events were happening now, today would be an episode of CSI: Jerusalem. (That thought just came to Us after We typed Happy Holy Saturday, and was too good not to share.) We trust all y’all had a good Good Friday. We Our Own Selves Personally went bar-hopping. If you can count two bars as “hopping”. Both are new to the Philly scene, so herewith Our reviews: We started at Tabu, formerly the Italian restaurant Sal’s (formerly Frangelica’s) on 12th Street. They have done precious little remodeling with the exception of slapping up a lot of televisions all over the place. (They are allegedly a sports bar. We Personally did not witness any sports while We were there, but We saw a lot of sports commentary, which appears to involve ugly men hollering. (We say “saw” because they were playing (really excellent) music instead of the sound from the televisions.)) The bartenders were friendly, and served well-made, reasonably-priced drinks; We do so love it when Our Long Island iced tea actually looks like iced tea. They serve them, however, on cardboard coasters, and don’t seem to have such a thing as bar napkins. Good Friday Happy Hour at Tabu was sparsely attended, and, “sports bar” aside, neither the bar nor the clientele seems to have found an identity yet.):
(We then “hopped” (seriously…why is it “barHOPPING”? Does One pause at some point in the proceedings to make the little doo-doos rabbits make?) on over to JR’s on Locust Street, in the space most notably occupied by Girasole, but which has been about a million other things in between. Things were a bit livelier (and a bit more ethnically diverse) here. An interior designer had clearly been at work, although She would no doubt have been appalled to see drinks being served in plastic cups. And vastly inferior drinks to Tabu’s, We might add. Bar food is available here, and they have retained the brick pizza oven from one of the building’s former incarnations, so We got to sample some lovely brick oven pizza. (Both JR’s and Tabu have menus ranging from bar food to full dinners, which We intend to enjoy soon.))
(In other news, it will amuse at least some of Our fellow WaitStaffians to know that We dreamt last night of writing an entire script, much of it in rap, some in actual music, for Our upcoming show, The Mother Of All Sketch Comedy Shows. Starring Olivia Newton-John. Upon waking, We remembered not one word of it. Lovely.)
(Our Our-O-Scope.)
Feel like there's someone standing right behind you, guiding you in all your endeavors? (Oh, is THAT what he’s doing? We’ve been waiting and waiting for him to touch Us inappropriately.)
You're right. (Well, that’s good. Because We thought We were wrong once, but We were mistaken.)
He or she is what's known as a guardian angel, (Apparently, a guardian angel with gender identity issues.)
and this is only a cameo appearance -- so make it good. (It’s an angel. We would have thought “good” would be inherent.)
Pretend Santa's just called, wanting to know your shoe size. (Really? Because shoes for Christmas are a GOOD thing?)
It's definitely time to say I Do -- or I Do, too -- whether it's about marriage, cohabitation or just a declaration of affection. (Well. How very indiscriminate.)
You can relax, too. (Oh, sure. You SAY that NOW. But then We take off Our Spanx™, and the screaming begins.)
This is no fleeting thing. (It’s a fleeting enema.)
Having your feelings isn't an emotional indulgence. (It ain’t no Immaculate Exception, neither. (To refresh your mammaries, and for the benefit of Our n@ked skimmers, an Immaculate Exception is when you p00p, but you don’t get any on ya. You’re welcome.))
It's something that is necessary for your mental and physical health. (Like wheat germ. And c0caine.)
If you need to, take time off -- and no major decisions. (You heard the lady…)
(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
Nothing beats a great pair of cowgrass)
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