I’ll follow you until you love me, Papa-paparazzi

Greetings, Espadrilles Result In Chafing---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, April 27, 2010 (Happy birthday to Dena, who turns twenty-four today somewhere in MaryLand. Which is apparently NOT the g@y section of DisneyWorld. Although she does now toil and spin (did that sound dirty to you? Because it sounded dirty to Us.) for Nebraska’s Intergalactic Hairdressers. Why Nebraska’s Intergalactic Hairdressers have an office in MaryLand is a mystery to Us; presumably, this is why We don’t have a jawb.)


(We had an excellent night’s sleep last night. Thank you for asking. We slept straight (well, gayly forward) through, and for a very long time. Which made Us realize that it’s been quite a while since We had such a good night’s sleep. So, yay, Us!)


(Micro$oft Weird™ disapproves of “gayly”; it wants Us to change it to “gaily”. Micro$oft Weird™ can suck Our c0ck.)


(Heh. See what We did there?)


(If at any point during the preceding you developed any mental image involving Bill Gates, you’re doing it wrong.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


A full year of hard work (Where?)


has helped you to achieve a personally fulfilling goal. (Our unemployments, let Us show them to you.)


Chances are (Johnny Mathis takes it up the @ssz. (No, seriously…look it up. Where’d ya think he got that vibrato?))


good that you're surrounded by fans and media now, (Paparazzi, pepperoni pizza, kiss Us quick, We’re Lady Gaga. (We have no idea what that meant, but We do so desperately try to be au courant. Apparently, this Lady Gaga person is the new McDonna. Back in her day, of course, McDonna was the new Charo. Which was rather silly, because We had a perfectly good old Charo at the time. Waste not, whatnot, want not kumquat. As They say. But who listens?))


(Did We mention what a good night’s sleep We had?)


but as soon as you can fit it in, (OOooooooooohhhh!!!!!)


start thinking about a title for the how-to book you'll feel eminently qualified to pen. (Why? Is Stupidity for Dummies already taken?)


A lot has been left unsaid, and you're ready to say it (Is it just Us, or does that sentence simply cry out to begin with “Needless to say”?)


(Needless to say, needles in hay are very hard to find.)


(That just came to Us, as if in a viZZZion. We shall be putting it in Our new children’s book, Strangers Have The Best Candy.)


-- but if they're not ready to hear it, (Sorry…what did you say?)


(Heh.)


don't force the issue. (Also, don’t fight the funk. But do face the front while you fu(k the French. (Surely We don’t need to explain why?))


(And, while you’re attempting to figger that one out…)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:






http://www.humorscope.com/




I feel like cowgrass tonight, cowgrass tonight)