Greetings, Eggs Redyed Indigo, Cerise---
Here is your horoscope for Friday, April 02, 2010 (We noticed that We were remiss in neglecting to wish all y’all a Happy Maundy Thursday yesterday. Of course, none of all y’all hastened to wish Us a Happy Maundy Thursday neither, so whatevs. At any rate, Happy Good Friday, and We hope you have the day off, or at least half the day off. Here in Souf Philly, We’re pretty sure the chirren have had the whole d@mn week off…couple this with all their snow days, and they’re still gonna be in third grade for three months after they’re in fourth. (That was a little time-space continuum humor, for Our geek friends.)):
(Apparently, when you take a real-close-up pixture of peeps, they appear to be wearing glitter. Who knew?)
(If that is going to be the level of rhetoric in here this morning, apparently We are going to have to resort to telling jokes:
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.
The Mother Superior and the young nun were late going shopping so they took a shortcut going through a tough neighborhood. A man jumped out from behind a dumpster and raped both the women. They began to gather themselves together and continued on to do their shopping. The young nun said, "This is awful. How will we tell the father we were each raped twice as we went shopping?" The Mother Superior said, "But we were each raped only once." The young nun said, "Yes... but we'll be going home the same way, won't we?"
THERE ya go!)
(Our Our-O-Scope.)
Your fiery energy is just right for hitting the streets and exploring new territory — or finding your way around your own backyard. (Well, since We don’t actually HAVE a backyard, We’re gonna do that first part. Yes, ladies and gerbils, We are taking Ourselves out for Happy Hour today. There are two brand spanking new bars in town (did He say “spanking”?) and We are going to investigate. Lock up your college students!)
See if your people are ready for a big adventure! (Wait…We have people? Kindly explain, then, why Our laundry is not yet done.)
You know quite well that some things extend across borders. (Was that a fat joke?)
You need some kind of foreign exchange, (Okay, fine, so We’ll fu(k a Mexican.)
(Ooops…We appear once again to have fallen into the Vat of Vulgarity. Too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad.)
so you can broaden your perspective (It WAS a fat joke!)
and move past the everyday. (Okay, fine, so We’ll fu(k TWO Mexicans.)
Whether it’s a deep conversation with a traveler, a foreign art experience or even just eating a new cuisine, now is the time to live out all the richness and variety of this world. (“Hi, my name is Art, and I’m from Mexico. Let me show you my burrito.”)
(Smut, smut, and nothing but smut. Slut.)
An odd side effect of expanding your mind in this way is that your heart is likely to grow as well. (Whatever. Could We call a moratorium on @ssz growth? We’re not sure We actually fit out Our front door any longer.)
You might discover more similarities than differences. (Clearly, it is Anything Can Happen Day on the Mouseketeer Club.)
(Kiss Us quick, We’re Annette Funicello.)
Examine what it is you’re so intent on keeping out of your life that you decided to build real or imaginary fences. (The Heartbreak Of Psoriasis.)
You’re ready to spread your wings romantically, (To say nothing of Our legs. (Sssshhhh…say nothing!))
but first you need to unlock that cage you’ve built. (What? But then the Mexicans will escape…)
(Before We sign off, this just in from OurSara. It is work-safe, unless you work as, say, a pr0stitute at the Vatican: http://www.27bslash6.com/easter.html )
(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
are you a cowgrass fruit and nut case?)
Here is your horoscope for Friday, April 02, 2010 (We noticed that We were remiss in neglecting to wish all y’all a Happy Maundy Thursday yesterday. Of course, none of all y’all hastened to wish Us a Happy Maundy Thursday neither, so whatevs. At any rate, Happy Good Friday, and We hope you have the day off, or at least half the day off. Here in Souf Philly, We’re pretty sure the chirren have had the whole d@mn week off…couple this with all their snow days, and they’re still gonna be in third grade for three months after they’re in fourth. (That was a little time-space continuum humor, for Our geek friends.)):
(Apparently, when you take a real-close-up pixture of peeps, they appear to be wearing glitter. Who knew?)
(If that is going to be the level of rhetoric in here this morning, apparently We are going to have to resort to telling jokes:
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.
The Mother Superior and the young nun were late going shopping so they took a shortcut going through a tough neighborhood. A man jumped out from behind a dumpster and raped both the women. They began to gather themselves together and continued on to do their shopping. The young nun said, "This is awful. How will we tell the father we were each raped twice as we went shopping?" The Mother Superior said, "But we were each raped only once." The young nun said, "Yes... but we'll be going home the same way, won't we?"
THERE ya go!)
(Our Our-O-Scope.)
Your fiery energy is just right for hitting the streets and exploring new territory — or finding your way around your own backyard. (Well, since We don’t actually HAVE a backyard, We’re gonna do that first part. Yes, ladies and gerbils, We are taking Ourselves out for Happy Hour today. There are two brand spanking new bars in town (did He say “spanking”?) and We are going to investigate. Lock up your college students!)
See if your people are ready for a big adventure! (Wait…We have people? Kindly explain, then, why Our laundry is not yet done.)
You know quite well that some things extend across borders. (Was that a fat joke?)
You need some kind of foreign exchange, (Okay, fine, so We’ll fu(k a Mexican.)
(Ooops…We appear once again to have fallen into the Vat of Vulgarity. Too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad.)
so you can broaden your perspective (It WAS a fat joke!)
and move past the everyday. (Okay, fine, so We’ll fu(k TWO Mexicans.)
Whether it’s a deep conversation with a traveler, a foreign art experience or even just eating a new cuisine, now is the time to live out all the richness and variety of this world. (“Hi, my name is Art, and I’m from Mexico. Let me show you my burrito.”)
(Smut, smut, and nothing but smut. Slut.)
An odd side effect of expanding your mind in this way is that your heart is likely to grow as well. (Whatever. Could We call a moratorium on @ssz growth? We’re not sure We actually fit out Our front door any longer.)
You might discover more similarities than differences. (Clearly, it is Anything Can Happen Day on the Mouseketeer Club.)
(Kiss Us quick, We’re Annette Funicello.)
Examine what it is you’re so intent on keeping out of your life that you decided to build real or imaginary fences. (The Heartbreak Of Psoriasis.)
You’re ready to spread your wings romantically, (To say nothing of Our legs. (Sssshhhh…say nothing!))
but first you need to unlock that cage you’ve built. (What? But then the Mexicans will escape…)
(Before We sign off, this just in from OurSara. It is work-safe, unless you work as, say, a pr0stitute at the Vatican: http://www.27bslash6.com/easter.html )
(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
are you a cowgrass fruit and nut case?)
Counting the seconds until happy hour. I need to get happy.
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