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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Get some cash for your trash

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for WinzDee, November 28, 2012.  The sun is shining, which is certainly an improvement over yesterday.  We have a million and two.  Things to do.  Kootchy-kootchy-kootchy-koo.  And yet, what passes for Our mind keeps wandering.  For example, We were looking at a piece of pornography earlier, and all We were thinking was, “That’s a really cool shirt.”

Remember when TMI stood for Three Mile Island?

This just in from Helen Keller on Twitter: 
That awkward moment when someone tells you 'long time no see'

Got grounded for not listening to my parents. No TV for a week.

Can someone tell me if this rubik's cube is finished? Worst birthday present ever.

Speaking of birthdays and the attendant ass(tromalogical) ho(roscopulations),  We trust it will have by now come to your attention that We have a brand spanking (heh) new Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope  video, which you can see above.  It is somewhat of a departure for Us, and the reviews so far have all been raves, many people referring to it as Our “best video ever”.  Please do give it a whirl and see what all the fuss is about.

Also, here is the link with which YOU will share it with all your friends:

(Apropos of nothing and completely randomly, here is last year’s Sagittarius video for your comparing pleasure:


And here’s the HorrorScope:

It’s a good time to take stock (Although it’s much easier to take actual cash.)

 of your feelings, but also of your stuff.  (Alternatively, stuff your feelings…We’re taking your cash.)

You don’t want to be on a special holiday edition of ‘Hoarders,’ (Um…have you met Us?  Since when would We NOT want to be on television?)

so donate as much of that old stuff as you can let go. (Donate your own damn self.  Our “stuff” ain’t free.)

Make sure that you are not giving too much to your friends when it comes to the realm of finance.  (No worries there.  (Meanwhile, how grandiose does “the realm of finance” make Our two nickels sound?))

It’s not such a bad thing to lend someone some money or treat them to lunch once in a while, but be careful to avoid financing any of their new projects or schemes. (We are not feeling particularly amusing today.)

 It is a kind of complication that you don’t need right now. (Is there a time when One DOES need complications?)

It’s not about being selfish. (It’s about being shellfish.  Or gefilte fish.  Or Abe Vigoda.)

(Didn’t see THAT coming, didja?)

It’s about not creating a situation where misunderstandings could result.  (Why not?  We don’t understand…)

(Heh.  See what We did there?  Or are you still flabbergasted by the Abe Vigoda joke?)

(We just wandered off to look up the etymology of “flabbergasted”, and spent fifteen minutes distracted by shiny things on the WorldWideInterWebNetz.  Meanwhile, We are extremely pleased that if anyone Googles “etymology of flabbergasted” AND “Abe Vigoda joke”, they will be directed here.)

Keep things simple and social.  (Herpes simplex, social disease.  There ya go.)

Leave money out of it.  (At last, a direction We can follow.)

Are you freaking out trying to divine when will that hottie will email or call? (Not as much as We’re freaking out over your use of “divine” as a verb.)

You need to be patient and find something else to occupy your mind.  (What, the dustbunnies aren’t enough?)

It’s when you finally forget them that they reach out.  (Well, in that case, it’s a good thing that Johnny Depp has totally slipped Our mind.)


(Your Your-O-Scopes:


(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.