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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

It’s turkey lurkey time

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday,  October Fourteenst, 2014.

It is e.e. cummings’s  birthday.  He would be a hundred and twenty years old today.  If he weren’t (subjunctively), ya know, DEAD.    In his honor, We were going to write today’s e-ntire e-pisstle in lower case, but We tried that out for a bit, and it rendered Us incomprehensible.  Well, more incomprehensible than usual.  Also, it e-liminated The Royal We, and that Would Never Do.  We were Not Amused.

Happy Birthday to TheSteveP, who turns twenty-four today.  In Hoboken.  Which is TheNextBestThing to New York.  New York, New York…The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us).  Hoboken…Hobo Ken…Ho Boken…so many jokes, so little time.

TheSteveP’s picture is above.

Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Catherine, with whom We got to play on Friday night, and Ken, and Ross, and Brendan, and Thom, and Jana, and Liz, and Jesse, and Ellie, and OurAmericanCousin Sarah, each of whom turned twenty-four over the past few days.

(Speaking of planets, Uranus.  (No, not really…We just said that because Jesse and Ken were in the preceding story.  (Which made Us think, naturally, of Uranus. (But speaking of planets, We just heard though the WorldWideInterWebNetz grapevine that Pluto may be a planet again.  (The jury is still out on Goofy.)))))

In other news, We found a twenty dollar bill outside the CVS this weekend, and that wasn’t even the best thing that happened to Us.  Nor was it second-best, or third-best.  In fact, it may not have even cracked the top ten.
In other other news, in case you were wondering where We were yesterday, it was both Columbus Day AND Canadian Thanksgiving, so We took the day off.

It has always been Our intention to one year have a lovely Canadian Thanksgiving Day dinner at OurHouseWhereWeLive for a few close friends.  We’ve never quite managed to do that,   for several reasons, as near as We can tell.  Number One, Canadian Thanksgiving is a Monday, and who throws dinner parties on Mondays?  And (B.), Canadian Thanksgiving happens so early in the Fall that We are still in denial about summer being over, so shove that pumpkin up your turkey’s ass and smoke it.

No, seriously…that is totally going to be an expression now: shove that pumpkin up your turkey’s ass and smoke it.

(We were actually, for those who enjoy veracity and verisimilitude, verily We say unto thee, we were learning that, if We were (subjunctively) a piece of silverware with which soup is eaten, We would be a better little one than big one.)

And, as if all of this Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!  high-larity were not  e-nough, this will totally make your day (it is completely Safe For Work): 

Speaking of absolutely nothing that We’ve spoken of so far, here are thirteen sets of twin male models who are totally not safe for work.  You’re welcome: 

Meanwhile, Our Libra video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends:


And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:

In celebrity birthdays, in addition to e.e. cummings, it is also the birthday of Max Thieriot, who, We just discovered, is yet another of Our future ex-husbands.

And now, as one DOES throw dinner parties on TUESDAYS, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is A Reading From Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

A warm welcome back to Madame Olivia.

Madame Olivia has become reacquainted with a great Japanese word which is to be applied when one is faced with a daunting task, namely, Ganbaru! It means something like "Never give up!" but is fiercer and more satisfying to say. You can say it to others or to yourself. Try shouting it. Ganbaru!

Let the Devil take the hindmost! Madame Olivia can not shake this saying out of her head. For her it's right up there with Throw caution to the winds, and the fact that both are swarming in her brain can mean only one thing: this is a good time for you, little Aries, to make a decision that feels right even though it might look a little shaky on paper. Go for it.

Virtue of the hour: kindness

Alas, it is time to take our leave but Madame Olivia looks forward to your next visit and sends you warmest wishes.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.