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Thursday, October 2, 2014

I got plenty o’ nuttin’






Hello, Ducks!




Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling),  October Twoth, 2014.



Happy Birthday to Sue, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.



Happy Birthday to Dean, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.



Happy Birthday to Nick, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.



Happy Birthday to Davon, who might turn twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back, but is too coy to share that information on SitOnMyFaceBook.



And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday to CuteBoiInTights, who turns twenty-four today in Chicago.



So, depending on how you look at it in your Depends™, that’s at the very least three out of five, or, possibly, four out of five birthdays right here in Our very Own backyard.  We bet We STILL don’t get any cake.




In other news, We got nothin’.


No Dangling Chad (hi, Chad!) guessing game like Monday: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/09/thats-peachy-for-some-people.html




Not even the promise of Magic Underwear: The Gathering like yesterday: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/10/next-to-lovin-i-like-fightin-i-like.html




Sigh.




Dear SitOnOurFaceBook:  We have, at last count, 995 “friends”.  Many of whom We have never actually met.  So We can pretty much guarantee you that “People We May Know” do NOT include those with whom We share only one or two “mutual friends”.  Your stupidz are showing. KThxBye.



In other other other news, leapin’ lemurs, it’s Libra!  And not a moment too soon…Virgo was truly wearing Us right the hell out. Is it just Us, or does Uranus always feel out-of-sorts for you during Virgo too?  Also, for the entire month of Virgo, it always feels as though someone is snooping through Our underwear drawer.  And telling people what they find there.  And NOT in a good way.



At any rate, Our Libra video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends:  http://youtu.be/I-sVEr84fyk?list=UUtq4ffsQ_xGu4T5NSA2HfaQ



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And heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:



In celebrity birthday news, it is Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday.  Which may explain why We got nothin’.



The levels of humor in here are so very deep, intellectual, and complex that it’s not even funny.



Heh.  See what We did there?



No, really…d’you see?

Aries

Home is where your heart is, and your lungs and liver too, but despite a month-long search they'll never find all of you.



Taurus
                            
For the third excruciating week in a row, you will find yourself powerless to prevent your day from perfectly mimicking the lyrics of "Stairway To Heaven."      


  
Gemini

You can't help but feel that if there were something you could do to stop being such a wishy-washy, passive, indecisive loser, you would have done it by now.



Cancer

Air and fire magicks are very strong in your sign right now, so it's fortunate that you're really into igniting your own flatulence.




Leo

You'll find steady if undignified employment as the guy who stands right behind the crime boss and emphatically repeats the last words of all his sentences in a sneering voice.



Virgo

You'll fall short of funky expectations this week when you find yourself digging the scene and looking clean, but without any sort of gangster lean.



Libra

The stars have no wisdom or portents to impart at this time, but thought it would be bad manners not to at least say hi.



Scorpio

You've always wanted to be the one that people come to for wisdom and comfort, but you'll have to settle for being the one that the stripper winds up talking to about her kids.



Sagittarius


Sometimes there is just no way to say you're sorry, but the rest of the time you should probably try just walking up to the person and saying "I'm sorry."



Capricorn

You try to be a decent person with a good perspective on life and a firm view of right and wrong, but you'll soon find yourself ordering something called a half-caff skinny maple soy latte.



Aquarius

You'll be devastated by the news that you could have stopped a major tragedy in Nigeria if you had only answered their pleading e-mails in time.



Pisces

Your eyes will be a little too big for your stomach next week when a sudden hideous allergic reaction causes your eyes to swell up to six times their usual size.




Namaste, MotherFuckers.



In gaseousness,


Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://sett.com/astrogeek895/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.