Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling), October Sixteenst, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Kayla, who does not EVEN
turn twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) back.
Okay, so, if you are on Twatter, and you like
musical theatre, you totally need to be following
@AngrySondheim . He is currently twatting a series of
#RejectedPeanutsSpecials:
Have A Little Priest, Charlie Brown
There Are Worse Things Than Posing For A Picture On A
Sunday, Charlie Brown
No One Has Ever Loved You, Charlie Brown
If you prefer your Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! linkouts
with a little more content/food for
thought, check out Terry of Tribe of Fools blog, What Bros Knows. This
particular entry is relevant to an experience We shared with all y’all last winter. It is Safe For Work (unless you read aloud
when you read (you motherfuckers think We
fucking swear a lot…)) Go here:
In other news, We had yet another epic dream
last night. We were watching a magic
show, in which an audience member was strapped into a chair and wheeled into a
tent. When they came out the other side,
they were in an entirely different outfit and had no idea how it had happened.
Then it was Our turn to be the audience participant. We were strapped into the chair and wheeled
into the tent. When We came out the other side, We were in a completely
different outfit (including shoes) and had no idea how it had happened. Also, the contents of Our pockets were in the
new outfit.
We never saw who the magician was, but in a
totally random fit of random randomosity, the magician’s assistant was Our
friend Jill. (Hi, Jill! We have no idea why you were the magician’s assistant
in Our dream, but you will be delighted to learn that you were wearing regular clothing,
and NOT a typical magician’s assistant outfit.)
Oh, were you waiting for Us to tell you how
the trick was done? We never found out.
Meanwhile, Our Libra video is above, and here
is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends: http://youtu.be/I-sVEr84fyk?list=UUtq4ffsQ_xGu4T5NSA2HfaQ
****************************************
And
heeeeerrrre’s the HorrorScope:
In celebrity birthdays, speaking of Sondheim,
it is Angela Lansbury’s birthday.
Also, were We the only person on the planet
who didn’t know who Jedward was? It is their
birthday today as well. Why YouPeople
keep things from Us, We’ll never know.
Ya know what’s good about dinner
parties? Leftover lasagna.
·
Aries After a long, sweaty,
painful time trying to fix a knotty problem yourself, you'll finally admit
defeat and call in a real thoracic surgeon.
·
Taurus You'll
become frustrated and depressed when, after approaching beautiful women with
the corny line "I must paint you," you find it actually works like a
charm.
·
Gemini A
horrifying incident with a knife-thrower, a chainsaw-juggler, and a fire-eater
will result in grievous bodily harm, although it's kind of a surprise that it
mostly involves being hit by a bus.
·
Cancer The
stars are sorry, but someone has already thought of starting a band with two of
each instrument in it. It wasn't all that great an idea then, either.
·
Leo You aren't the first
person to try to change someone after falling in love, but you might be the
first to try to unfold that someone into a robot.
·
Virgo The powers-that-be
will get back to you on that pesky legal matter with the news that they're
sorry, but you can't be officially recognized as the first blind person to
drive across North America if you put out your eyes just before crossing the
finish line.
·
Libra Some say the world
will end in ice, some fire. However, the end of your personal world will be
most notable for banal remarks on the humidity.
·
Scorpio While
it's true there is no plumbing the depths of the human heart, you'll come up
with some novel ideas about its heating and electrical wiring.
·
Sagittarius Your
theory that there are only two types of people in the world won't go over well
with the only other survivor of this week's global thermonuclear holocaust.
·
Capricorn You've
always considered yourself a belt-and-suspenders type, but all everyone else
seems to focus on is your lack of pants.
·
Aquarius Buck
up: You still have a lot of life ahead of you, even if the good part was over
years ago.
·
Pisces You
will fall into a pattern of self-destructive behavior this week when you
discover how much fun that sort of thing is.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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