Get fu(ked...at least I'm living, living on a dead end street

Greetings, Estonian Republic Invades Chad---


(Chad screams like a schoolgirl.)


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, January 20, 2010 (We would wish you a Happy Hump Day, but then We would have to scrounge up a Hump Day joke, and, seriously people, it’s been waaaay too long for that even to be funny.):


(Thanks to MizCynthia for pointing out to Us the existence of today’s pixture. We needed something cheerful around here. We have absolutely nothing to say about Assachusetts, except that We would like to go there and slap some people around. And the people on the receiving end of Our slappage would not be Republicans. When will you idiots understand that Our. Enemies. Want. Us. DEAD? They are not playing a game, so We don’t get to play a game. Jeebus.)


(Hmmm…it appears We did have something to say. And there’s plenty more where that came from, but typing is a b1tch.)


(And now, speaking of health care, here’s a word from Our sponsor about Seasonal Affective Disorder…We has it. Bad. And the fact that the weather has somewhat moderated itself and the sun is shining really doesn’t have any effect on it. We are unmotivated, We are worthless, and We have absolutely nothing to look forward to. Our phone calls and emails go unreturned, and We shall ultimately lose Our health insurance and contract some mysterious soap opera ailment which renders Us less attractive than We already are and necessitates the wearing of a veil if We go out in public at all. Which We won’t. Sigh.)


(There…surely that cheered everybody right up!)


(OUR-O-Scopes…)


As the Moon goes through your sign today, (Oh, sure…something else that can go wrong.)


expect for some of the emotional issues which have been on a slow boiler on the back burner to start to bubble over. (Well, there’s that “something to look forward to” that We didn’t have a minute ago. Yay.)


If you know there's something in your life which is just too hard to deal with, (Well, there’s getting out of bed in the morning. Then Johnny Depp never calls. Also, now that we’re so fat that We eclipse the sun, We seem to collect astonishing quantities of belly button lint. (Come to think of it, We’re not exactly surprised that Johnny Depp never calls.))


(Micro$oft Weird™ wants Us to change “so fat that We eclipse the sun” to “so fast that We eclipse the sun”. Why, g0d, why?)



if others are doing too much taking and not enough giving, (Others? Are mainly avoiding Us like the plague.)


this is the moment to see what you can do to set things to right. (Shouldn’t that be either “set things right” or “set things to rights”? Where are Our Eric’s Daily Horoscope Grammar Harpies? (We just attempted to sort this Our Own Self. All We were able to ascertain is that “set things right” got 2,810,000 Google hits, while “set things to right” and “set things to rights” got 423,000 and 425,000 respectively. Which tells Us absolutely nothing, except, of course, that We continue to be worthless. We did, however, in Our travels, encounter the following charming declaration: “I am a collector of vintage French p0rnographic postcards. Any other collectors out there?” which We are sure is code for something or another. Anyone? Beuller?))


(You did all realize that you had to read “I am a collector of vintage French pornographic postcards. Any other collectors out there?” in your worst possible PePe LePew, didn’t you?)


You have a lot of lessons to learn (Oh. Yay. Lessons. To learn. That sounds like a lot of work…)


from the people in your life right now (Jigga who?)


but it doesn't have to be a one-way street. (Of course not. This is Our life. It will be a no-way, dead-end street. With a broken street lamp. And tumbleweeds. Lined with abandoned storefronts. Which used to sell things We don’t buy anyway. Sigh.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


depression hurts. Cowgrass can help )