I feel like Garbage when it rains

Greetings, Explosive Regurgitation Inundates Carnival---

Here is your horoscope for Monday, January 25, 2010 (Fortunately, today’s subject line lyric works on a literal level, so that even those who don’t get the inside joke will get a take-away message, even while those who do get the inside joke are congratulating theyselves on what clever little minkies they be. (Of course, they will have that song stuck in they heads for the rest of the day for they troubles, so there’s that.)) Meanwhile, We’re not entirely sure where we got today’s “G@y Superhero” pixture, and We cannot honestly say We’re a believer. While We can’t (as We are sure some of you will agree) totally make up Our minds about the somewhat retro fins, We are ab-so-LUTE-ly positive that We cannot get behind (as it (subjunctively) were (heh)) a supposedly G@y Superhero who for some reason eschews wearing a fabulous cape, preferably in a contrasting color, possibly in some sparkly fabric. Seriously, people.):

(We notice that We said “eschews” and no one said “gesundheit”. Manners, people. They’re what separate Us from the hedgehogs. Not to mention the Alaskans.)

(So. Christmas was one month ago today. Did We mention that We have a large percentage of Our shopping done for next Christmas? And that much of it is wrapped? Oh, We didn’t mention that? Well, remind Us to mention it later.)

(Heh.)

(So once again We published Eric’s Daily Horoscopes on both Saturday and Sunday of this weekend. Some of all y’all are possibly just catching up with those in your offices (which is different than in your orifices (because, trust Us, if you had Eric’s Daily Horoscope in your orifices, you’d know about it (if you’re happy and you know it, have the clap))) this morning, while others enjoyed them as they appeared. If you have a free (or at least a cheap) moment, leave Us a comment about your Eric’s Daily Horoscope reading habits, won’t you? KThxBye.)

(For those of you who missed the weekend entirely, Number One, please leave Us the contact info for your recreational drug dealer, and Number B, here is a plug for Our show: We betook Ourselves (well, MizGerreGarrett betook Us) to see the World Café on Friday. Oh, my dears! You will be beside your very selves when you come to see Our show on February 19th! (Well, actually you will hopefully be beside a whole lot of other people who have also come to see Our show. We were using a colorful figger of speech. (Which is, naturally, the polar opposite of a colorless jigger of bleach.)) The problem with their website is all cleared up, so toddle on over and make those reservations now:

http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 )

(OUR-O-Scope…)

(Oh, but before We do that…another movie all y’all can delete from your Netflix queue: The Mysteries of Pittsburgh. Now, Our first clue that this was gonna suck should have been that We read the novel on which it is based years ago and have no earthly recollection of it. We do, however, know that it is based in Pittsburgh (duh) because that is where the author is from, and that it may be semi-autobiographical, and We are pretty sure that the point of the novel, at least, wasn’t that Pittsburgh was some city full of hicks. Even, however, if that were the point, Our second clue that this fillum was gonna suck was when the female lead opened her mouth for the first time and hauled off to start speaking in a never-explained generic Southern accent. Hello, Pittsburgh? Not so much in the South. And, while there most certainly is a Pittsburghian accent, it is about as far from Southern as you can get (unless you happen to live in, oh, I don’t know, Philadelphia). Nick Nolte wandered through the proceedings at several points (paying for traffic tickets, no doubt) and there was g@y s3x with an ugly guy (who, for clarity’s sake, We will point out was not Nick Nolte, but might as well have been). Jeebus.)

(NOW, Our-O-Scope…)

If you're one of the Aries who's starting to suspect your powers of intuition are on the increase (Hmmm…is there such a thing as “untuition”? Because, if there is, We has it.)

then don't fight it and don't doubt it. (Don’t fight the funk. Or, to be emphatic, don’t fight the fu(kin’ funk. Actually, don’t fu(kin’ fight the fu(kin’ funk, you fu(kin’ funk-fightin’ muthafu(ker.)

(What?)

Your chart is being super-energized in terms of you being able to access that part of your brain that is connected to All Life Everywhere and knows The Truth. (The Truth, in this case, being that the very idea of being connected to “All Life Everywhere” is totally disgusting.)

And if you think that all sounds very New Age, then in this case, you're wrong, sorry! (Oh, We’re wrong? This from the Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopular) C00zelick who thinks that Our “powers of intuition are on the increase”? The h3ll you say…)

These teachings have been around for literally thousands of years. (Well, no wonder they smell like that, then.)

But you're now the sign best-placed to tune into them!

(Maybe if We just ignore her, she’ll go away.)

(YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

cowgrass, take me away )