Just a spoonful of b00ger helps the medicine go down in the most delightful way

Greetings, Exactoknife™ Rips Into Cartilage---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, January 27, 2010 (So, yeah. @ssholes. The world continues to be full of them. Scientists have conclusively proven that as many as one in three people may now be an @sshole. So, look at the person to your left, then look at the person to your right. If they both appear to be fine, guess what? You’re an @sshole.):


(Of course, the way that scenario usually works out is that you look at the person to your left, then look at the person to your right, and they are both @ssholes. So much for statistics.)


(The preceding rant was brought to you by the letters F and U, and the fact that clearly, nobody received any manners for Christmas.)


(In Our LOST-related travels yesterday, We came upon (don’t worry; We cleaned it up) the following, in which the first five seasons of LOST are recapped by an extended Italian family. Enjoy.)

(Oh, and Happy Hump Day. No, really. Have a happy hump. On Us. Hump a hippopotamus. (Sorry…We are working on Our rapping skills. How are We doing so far?))


(Oooops…We just got distracted for a half an hour by bright, shiny Internetz. Did you know there are nekkid bois on this here Internetz thingie?)


(Our-O-Scope…)


Just remember (Oh, forget it.)


- as tempting as it is to stay home (Which is, after all, where the heart is. And, presumably all the other organs. The spleen, the pancreas, the gizzard, and whatnot. Or the whatnot. Okay, that’s it for the anatomy lesson. We shan’t be singing “I’m A Little Teapot” any time soon. Nor will We be showing you Our lovehandles, or Our spout. Nasty p3rverts.)


and be in a safe place, (Gray skies are gonna clear up…sit on Our happy face…)


the Aries who really stand to benefit in 2010 are the ones who dare to push themselves outside their comfort zone. (Push-push in the bush…)


(Is it just Us, or is it a veritable musical extravaganza in here this morning? Rap, Broadway, disco…why, any minute now We expect a yodeled lament from the Russian steppes. Jeanette MacDonald had a farm, ee-yi-ee-yi-oh…)


(What?)


(Meanwhile, Google just lit up like a Christmas tree as frenzied hordes of Eric’s Daily Horoscope readers descended upon it, demanding to know, “Who the fu(k is Jeanette MacDonald?”)


(That is, of course, if you can consider two people to be a “frenzied horde”. In other news, speaking of Our readers, do you see those ads off to the right there? (We understand if you hadn’t noticed; We, too, tend to tune out advertising.) Most of the time, they are just ugly plain text, peddling various Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist)s. The other day, however, there was an actual video ad, featuring a black man in a box. If you clicked on him, he crawled out of the box and said something about the SATs. We’re not exactly sure what he said, as We were just relieved that he said anything at all, and, consequently, wasn’t a mime. Of course, he also wasn’t wearing a beret, or a black-and-white striped shirt, or whiteface, but the speaking made Us 100% sure. After all, he could have been one of those new Stealth Mimes the government has been working on. (Oh, were We not supposed to say anything about that? Great…now Kiefer Sutherland is gonna show up at Our door and kill Us.))


(Our point, other than the fact that black men in whiteface look very peculiar, is couldja click an ad or two from time to time to help a brutha out? KThxBye.)


If you don't work, (And We don’t. We? Are broken.)


(Micro$oft Weird™ wants Us to change “And We don’t.” to “And We doesn’t.” The h3ll?)


it's a great time to start to - looking for a job might not be easy (Plus, there’s always the danger that you might find one.)


but the results will be worthwhile. (Hmm…only if We go looking for a job and find a winning PowerBall™ ticket instead.)


If you do work, don't hide your light under a bushel. (Are We the only ones who have always wanted that old saying (which is, in fact, biblical in origin) to be “don’t hide your pecker under a bushel”?)


Network. (Faye Dunaway at her very best.)


Show your face. (Well, of course. How else will We ever get it sat upon?)


Get yourself out there. (We are about as out there as it gets.)


Try a little harder than you've ever done before to succeed - and you will. (Begging, of course, the age-old question: if you try to fail, and you succeed, what exactly have you done?)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


4 out of 5 proctologists recommend cowgrass to their patients who chew @ssholes.)