If they don’t love it, they can shove it; frankly, I don’t care

Greetings, Evolving Reptiles Intimidate Creationists---


Here is your horoscope for Thursday, January 21, 2010 (Happy birthday to Brandon, who turns twenty-four today in MaryLand or some such place. Y’all should come visit the Yankees sometime.)


(Well, ladies and g3nitals, goys and burrrlllzz, We trust that you are all saving the date Friday, February 19, at 7:30PM, when your favorite sketch comedy group, the WaitStaff, will triumphantly return to strut and fret the boards of the World Café Live! Tickets will be on sale through the World Café website shortly, as soon as a small pricing snafu is unsnarled, but watch this space for news of some possible discounted tickets. Because We may actually have that power. In the meantime, do visit Us at Our website http://www.thewaitstaff.com and become Our fan on SitOnMyFaceBook http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#/pages/The-WaitStaff/177605379471 , if you haven’t already.)


(And, really, since We last spoke, all We’ve done is have a WaitStaff rehearsal, so We’ve really nothing to report. But, lest all y’all feel cheated, Eric’s Daily Horoscope being, ya know, free and all, here to disrupt your workday and completely undermine the capitalist system is this: http://firstpersontetris.com/ . Here is the warning it came with: “Don't try this. It is a total waste of time. You will be mad at me that I sent this out. Don't blame me for any lost productivity. And it's harder than you think it will be.” You’re welcome.)


It's all about turning off, tapping and tuning in for you now Aries, maaan. (Okay, did she seriously say, “maaan”? We suppose that, between that and today being the dawning of the sign of Aquarius, We should rev up Our well-oiled publicity machine (don’t’cha just love it when We talk dirty? To the animals? (The animals, the animals, let’s talk dirty to the animals…(A whole bunch of first-time twenty-four year-olds are currently scratching their shiny little heads. Meanwhile, everyone Our age promptly answered, “Fu(k you, Mister Bunny; eat sh1t, Mister Bear.” (Life is a cabernet, you scum.)))) Now where were We? Oh, yes…revving up Our well-oiled publicity machine to mention that Our even Yankee-er brethren to the north, in Greater Bostonia to be exact, will be performing Hair the very same weekend that the WaitStaff are strutting and fretting. So, obviously, Friday night you see the WaitStaff, then you wing on up to Woonsocket, Rhode Island for America’s best tribal love rock musical. Info and tickets here: http://www.counterproductionstheatre.com/ (Yes, We are geographically challenged, but even We are aware that Woonsocket, Rhode Island is not in Boston. But (A.), if you’ve ever looked at a map of Nude England, they have all these really teeny tiny little states. It’s like state tapas. Or Chinese food…half an hour later, you want another state. And (2.), does Assachusetts actually deserve to be entertained at this point? We don’t think so.))


(We just re-read that paragraph (as should you) so We could be sure We had savored each and every bonny mot, and now We are wondering…if they are even Yankee-er, can We call them Yankers?)


It's all about what you feel to be true to you. (This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.)


(Aaaaannndd….SCENE! Did I get it? Huh, huh, did I? (Yeah, folks. We can really imagine Us being cast in some Shakespeare play. Please. There’s not a theatre company in this city that could afford the tights to encompass this @ss. It is the moon, and Juliet’s the Sun, and this is Uranus, and here’s my love handles, and here is my spout.))


(Oh, sure, it wasn’t particularly hilarious, but how the h3ll many other people do you know who could pull off a Shakespearean “I’m a Little Teapot” joke?)


It's all about trying to learn to have faith to trust your gut (Hey! We do the fat jokes around here, Bee-Yotch.)


- something you know you should do. (What about someONE We know We should do?)


While having the sense not to try and trick yourself and talk yourself into something. (Number One, that’s not a sentence, and Number B, We do everything the voices in Our pants tell Us to do.)


We create our own reality with our thoughts, agreed, (When We talk to G0d, We are said to be praying, but when G0d talks to Us, We are said to be schizophrenic.)


but if we're trying to create something which requires someone else's participation, (Hello, Beast With Two Backs!)


it's folly (Zaniness! Idiocy! Lunacy! Madness! Mayhem! Insanity! Aspidistra! Ratatouille! Chandelier! (Sorry…what were We talking about?))


not to face up to the fact that that requires co-creation. (We’re pretty sure that, if We all do some coke, We’ll get very creative. That’s why she didn’t say that it requires co-co-creation…because if you snort lines of cocoa, all you’re gonna do is burn your nose. (Although the behavior of that bird on the Cocoa Puffs™ commercials might lead one to believe differently. (It’s a breakfast cereal! It’s a recreational drug!)))


(When he got there, what did he see? The youth of America on LSD.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com



I’m cuckoo for cowgrass puffs!)