You all everybody…you all everybody…

Greetings, Easter Rabbit Improves Casserole---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, January 26, 2010 (Happy birthday to Petr, who turns twenty-four today. (Twenty-four, for those who may not be as well-versed in Eric’s Daily Horoscope New Math as they would like (math is hard!), can be referred to as one’s latter early twenties, or, alternatively, as one’s early mid-twenties. Savvy conversationalists, who are also suave and debonair, choose the second alternative, so as not to appear to be bragging.)):


(Speaking of alternatives, those of you who did not use the alternatives pronunciations of “suave” and “debonair” (i.e. “swave” and “de-boner”) will have to go back and re-read the preceding paragraph. Aloud. Preferably in a bad French accent. (Alternative pronunciation: “Frawnsh”.) We’ll wait.)

(Meanwhile, long-term Eric’s Daily Horoscope readers without short-term memory problems (We may have Alzheimer’s, but at least We don’t have Alzheimer’s) may recall Our lovely and talented friends Dave and Matt, from the sketch comedy group Animosity Pierre. In this space, you will particularly recall them from their video, which We linked to last year at this time, called Previously on LOST. Well, as We are just one week away from the premiere of the final season of LOST, here they are back again with Previously on LOST: II. (Yo, Dave and Matt. If you’re in here, you’re welcome. Click on an ad or two, and help a brutha out.))

(Micro$oft Weird™ is attempting to tell Us that “yo” is misspelled in the paragraph preceding the video. We are in Philadelphia (alternative pronunciation: “Fluffya”) muthafu(kah (alternative pronunciation: “muthafu(kah”); how do you want Us to spell it?)


(Speaking of sketch comedy, the WaitStaff rehearsed last night at OurHouseWhereWeLive. Now, Our thermostat is set at 68 degrees for the winter. When the WaitStaff left, the temperature in OurHouseWhereWeLive was 72. Oh, yeah…We’re hawtt!)


(Okay, whoever just made the “hot air” joke needs to go here http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 and buy ten tickets. NOW! )


(Our-O-Scope…)


How's your love life? (How’s your herpes? And do you still beat your dog? Bee-yotch. Don’t they teach you in Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) School (“AHS”, for short…that’s “AHS” as in “AHSHole” (see, now that you see where the joke was going, you’ll wanna go back and read that in your best Schwarzenegger (ya know, I bet even he can’t spell his g0dd@mn name right on the first try))) not to taunt the wretched?)


(It has occasionally been brought to Our attention that Our writing may, from time to time, be overburdened with parentheticals. Fortunately, We have not yet run out of hiding places for dead bodies.)


If you know it needs a little bit of work, today's a great day for that as the planet of love, Venus, links to your planet Mars in a harmonious part of your chart. (In still other news, the planet of love P3nis links to your planet Arse in a pandemonious part of your chart. Mayhem ensues. (Every so often, Our inner seven-year-old just wants to holler out, “C0ck-a-doody!” This morning, We let him. You’re welcome.))


If you suspect that pride has been getting in the way of one or more of your most important relationships, personal or professional, now is a great time to work on that. (Yeah, pride. That’s what it is. Also, “professional relationship”? Is just another way of saying “pr0stitution”.)


And if you feel you've been a little bit distant with someone and you want to get a little bit closer, today could be the right day for it. (As any real Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) would tell you, that all depends upon Uranus.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


cowgrass…for that not-so-fresh feeling.)