Greetings, Eroica Rewritten Into Chopsticks---
Here is your horoscope for Friday, January 29, 2010 (Congratulations to John G, who is getting married this weekend in (what We hope is) sunny Florida, as an example to Us all that We should just keep right on living Our lives, no matter what a bunch of @ssmunching hateful conservative allegedly “Christian” d1cksmoking tw@tlicking Repuliklan sayers-of-No decide to make fools of themselves by doing next. Someday not too long from now, people will look back at this time and the hateful bigoted prigs who are mostly having their way at this point in disbelief, much as We currently look back on the time when it was illegal for people of two different races to marry. (Which, California having been the first state to legalize interracial marriage in 1948, was not really all that long ago.)):
(And congratulations to the rest of Us, for making it through what was possibly the longest January since the beginning of recorded time, encompassing, as it did, all of February, half of March, and at least thirty-seven Mondays.)
(OurShaun, who, you will recall from several recent mentions herein, lives all the way over in London. England. Across the Atlantic. Ocean. (We have no idea why We have taken to saying it like that, but it is amusing Us, and so little these days does, so let Us have Our fun. KThxBye), enjoys sharing lists of little-known factoids with his readers. He sent out such a list today, in which he was all taken with some frippery about the speed of light or some such. Blah-blah-blah science-whatev-cakes. We, of course, were much more interested in the following:
“Barbie was not the first slutty doll available for young girls (and the odd boy). It was, in fact, Bild Lilli, based on a cartoon character who had questionable morals. Originally Bild Lilli was sold to men as a s3xual novelty item but an American woman, Ruth Handler, saw the doll and stole the concept for her Barbie for children. I think that the makers of Bild Lilli probably had good grounds to sue Miss Handler for stealing their idea.”
Okay, so, letting pass the really rude “odd boy” comment, here’s what Inquiring Minds Like Ours want to know: picture Barbie™ (see viZZUal aid above), particularly with reference to her size and her shape. Just what exactly were these men doing with their Bild Lilli dolls that was so “s3xually novel”?)
(ExACTly. Mattel™’s subsequent fortune notwithstanding, Ms. Handler might have done better to figger out how to make Bild Lilli battery-operated, so her little head would spin around. Just sayin’.)
(Aaaaaand there goes any chance of a Barbie™ ad appearing in Eric’s Daily Horoscope (off to the right there, where, if you weren’t totally ignoring Us, you’d go and click now and again, because that’s how it works here in Bloggonia, but unfortunately, you’re paying no attention to anything We say, or you think We’re kidding, but really, it’s just like those TV commercials where, for just pennies a day, you can feed an unemployed curmudgeon in Souf Philly, We’re just sayin’.))
(Meanwhile, it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “playing Barbies™”, don’t it?)
(And, lest you think We didn’t notice, Micro$oft Weird™…”frippery” is a word? We were so sure We had just made it up…)
(Our-O-Scope…)
"Push! Shove! Push! Shove! …" (That’s what Barbie™ said. (Seriously, though…what the h3ll was that?))
Full Moon is the time to let go (Thereby creating Empty Moon. Which is all well and good unless you’re behind a fat person in yoga class. Where it’s all fun and games until someone empties their moon in your eye. Like a big pizza pie. That’s a wh0re, hey!)
(What?)
and the planets couldn't agree more as Saturn squares Pluto under this Full Leo Moon. (And apparently We’ve gone from yoga class to squaredancing. Do-si-do your coroner.)
Saturn loves to prevent change. (Ah. A Republican. Who knew?)
Pluto explodes anything that's in his way. (That’s because he’s fu(king Goofy. (See, you were expecting another political joke there. And We fooled you. Consequently, hilarity ensued. Try not to p00p your Depends™. (Oh, look! Barbie™!)))
Put these two together and it's a time when what has to go is going to GO! (We’re pretty sure We’ve covered this already. Seriously. There are only so many excretory jokes We’re willing to tell in a row. We wouldn’t want to be accused of potty humor. (Let’s get this potty started.))
If there's a battle waging in your life, you could end up feeling quite battered (And probably deep-fried.)
but proud of yourself for having gone the distance. (We disdain the distance. (We don’t know why, but We just felt like saying that.))
Where you know you need to give something up - a person, a habit, smoking, meet, alcohol, you name it - it's time to LET IT GO! (Yes, Kelli…We’re going to give up “meet”. Stupid @sshatted sn@tchgobbler. She can’t even speak English properly, and yet she’s getting paid for this. We make up words like “frippery” at the drop of a Barbie™, and YouPeople won’t even click on Our ads so We can buy gruel. Hmmph.)
(YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
cowgrass…what’s in your wallet?)
Here is your horoscope for Friday, January 29, 2010 (Congratulations to John G, who is getting married this weekend in (what We hope is) sunny Florida, as an example to Us all that We should just keep right on living Our lives, no matter what a bunch of @ssmunching hateful conservative allegedly “Christian” d1cksmoking tw@tlicking Repuliklan sayers-of-No decide to make fools of themselves by doing next. Someday not too long from now, people will look back at this time and the hateful bigoted prigs who are mostly having their way at this point in disbelief, much as We currently look back on the time when it was illegal for people of two different races to marry. (Which, California having been the first state to legalize interracial marriage in 1948, was not really all that long ago.)):
(And congratulations to the rest of Us, for making it through what was possibly the longest January since the beginning of recorded time, encompassing, as it did, all of February, half of March, and at least thirty-seven Mondays.)
(OurShaun, who, you will recall from several recent mentions herein, lives all the way over in London. England. Across the Atlantic. Ocean. (We have no idea why We have taken to saying it like that, but it is amusing Us, and so little these days does, so let Us have Our fun. KThxBye), enjoys sharing lists of little-known factoids with his readers. He sent out such a list today, in which he was all taken with some frippery about the speed of light or some such. Blah-blah-blah science-whatev-cakes. We, of course, were much more interested in the following:
“Barbie was not the first slutty doll available for young girls (and the odd boy). It was, in fact, Bild Lilli, based on a cartoon character who had questionable morals. Originally Bild Lilli was sold to men as a s3xual novelty item but an American woman, Ruth Handler, saw the doll and stole the concept for her Barbie for children. I think that the makers of Bild Lilli probably had good grounds to sue Miss Handler for stealing their idea.”
Okay, so, letting pass the really rude “odd boy” comment, here’s what Inquiring Minds Like Ours want to know: picture Barbie™ (see viZZUal aid above), particularly with reference to her size and her shape. Just what exactly were these men doing with their Bild Lilli dolls that was so “s3xually novel”?)
(ExACTly. Mattel™’s subsequent fortune notwithstanding, Ms. Handler might have done better to figger out how to make Bild Lilli battery-operated, so her little head would spin around. Just sayin’.)
(Aaaaaand there goes any chance of a Barbie™ ad appearing in Eric’s Daily Horoscope (off to the right there, where, if you weren’t totally ignoring Us, you’d go and click now and again, because that’s how it works here in Bloggonia, but unfortunately, you’re paying no attention to anything We say, or you think We’re kidding, but really, it’s just like those TV commercials where, for just pennies a day, you can feed an unemployed curmudgeon in Souf Philly, We’re just sayin’.))
(Meanwhile, it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “playing Barbies™”, don’t it?)
(And, lest you think We didn’t notice, Micro$oft Weird™…”frippery” is a word? We were so sure We had just made it up…)
(Our-O-Scope…)
"Push! Shove! Push! Shove! …" (That’s what Barbie™ said. (Seriously, though…what the h3ll was that?))
Full Moon is the time to let go (Thereby creating Empty Moon. Which is all well and good unless you’re behind a fat person in yoga class. Where it’s all fun and games until someone empties their moon in your eye. Like a big pizza pie. That’s a wh0re, hey!)
(What?)
and the planets couldn't agree more as Saturn squares Pluto under this Full Leo Moon. (And apparently We’ve gone from yoga class to squaredancing. Do-si-do your coroner.)
Saturn loves to prevent change. (Ah. A Republican. Who knew?)
Pluto explodes anything that's in his way. (That’s because he’s fu(king Goofy. (See, you were expecting another political joke there. And We fooled you. Consequently, hilarity ensued. Try not to p00p your Depends™. (Oh, look! Barbie™!)))
Put these two together and it's a time when what has to go is going to GO! (We’re pretty sure We’ve covered this already. Seriously. There are only so many excretory jokes We’re willing to tell in a row. We wouldn’t want to be accused of potty humor. (Let’s get this potty started.))
If there's a battle waging in your life, you could end up feeling quite battered (And probably deep-fried.)
but proud of yourself for having gone the distance. (We disdain the distance. (We don’t know why, but We just felt like saying that.))
Where you know you need to give something up - a person, a habit, smoking, meet, alcohol, you name it - it's time to LET IT GO! (Yes, Kelli…We’re going to give up “meet”. Stupid @sshatted sn@tchgobbler. She can’t even speak English properly, and yet she’s getting paid for this. We make up words like “frippery” at the drop of a Barbie™, and YouPeople won’t even click on Our ads so We can buy gruel. Hmmph.)
(YOUR-O-Scopes:
http://www.humorscope.com
cowgrass…what’s in your wallet?)
No comments:
Post a Comment