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Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for WhenceDay, April 18rd, 2012.  Happy birthday to Marilyn, aka Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…who turns twenty-four today.  Also, happy birthday to Matt, who also turns twenty-four today.  We are not personally acquainted with said Matt, but one of Our avid supporters whose avid support has earned her a lot of pull around these parts (hi, Dena!) asked Us to wish him a happy birthday, and so We are.

We are off to a rather slow start this morning, now that We Our Own Self Personally have turned twenty-four.  Thanks to everyone who expressed their well-wishes yesterday; We had no idea that so many people wished We would fall down a well.  (There is a half-witted boy named Timmy down here, and it smells like dog poop. (We would tell a June Lockhart joke, but We can’t think of one.  And what the hell is a June Lockhart joke, anyway? (Heh.  We were just re-reading this, and it occurred to Us that a June Lockhart joke would start out: “Lock-hart.”  “Who’s there?”  Please have Us committed at once.))

In the midst of all the other well-wishing, We were called “darling” by a lovely, apple-cheeked str8 boi, and by “apple-cheeked” We mean (A.) all four of them and (2.) Red Delicious.  We were also referred to as “birthday boy” by another lovely str8 boi who is young enough to be Our…much younger younger brother.  And then We had a lovely dinner at Tequilas, where We understood not a a single word that the waiter said, and yet were able to order a perfectly lovely dinner and drinks anyway.  So all in all, a very good day.

(Ordinarily, it would occur to Us at this juncture to muse upon what exactly “all in all” is meat to signify, but, really, We can’t be arsed.)

In other news, as We have mentioned several times already, the very talented gentlemen over at Jeff Coon and Ben Dibble Must Die are just moments away from the deadline of their KickStarter, so, if you haven’t yet donated, you should.  They have also made a second video, in which they share more behind-the-scenes (heh…she said “behind”) info about the project:

In still other news, We wrote the script for Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: TAURUS video over the weekend, and will be finishing it up for a shoot later this week.  This will mark the completion of the series of the twelve signs of the zodiac, and will give you all an even dozen of Our accomplishments to resoundingly ignore.  Here, for example, is the current video, Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope: ARIES, which you will no doubt neither watch yourselves, nor share on your friends SitOnMyFaceBook pages: 

Not only are We off to a slow start, We also apparently have the attention span of a brain-damaged housefly.  Oh, look, InterNetz!

Aaaaaannnndddd here’s a HorrorScope:

(Today is apparently also Conan O’Brien’s birthday.  Speaking of brain-damage, what kind of parents say, “We shall name the baby ‘Conan’”?  Also, apropos of nothing, We just learned that June Lockhart is still alive.  We had no idea.)

 A clue comes in a dream, and you would do well to pay careful attention to it. (Good lord.  With the dreams We have, that’s like saying there’s a clue in a microdot under a letter in some volume from some year of the Encyclopedia Brittanica.)

(Note to fellow bloggers:  use up your Encyclopedia Brittanica jokes now, because the next generation won’t even know what it is.(What, you don’t have a stack of index cards with encyclopedia Brittanca jokes on them?))

That could mean noting it down in a scratch pad by the bed (Do yourself a favor…use a scratch Maxi pad.)

or just playing every hunch that comes your way.  (Alternatively, playing every OTHER hunchback that comes your way.  While tossing dwarves in between.)

Even if novels aren’t quite your cup of tea, flipping through some books on the bestseller shelf or looking through a short story collection could give you a brand new idea about how to handle a real life problem.   (Mmm-hmm.  We read The Help, but that doesn’t mean We got any.  (Help, that is.  (Well, or “any”, either.)))

There is a lot of inspiration in creative expressions, (But no expiration in creative impressions.)

especially those that encapsulate (All together now: “en-KAP-syoo-ull-ate”.  (That was a little WaitStaff inside joke, which demonstrates, amongst other things, how it is a miracle that We are EVER funny.))

one special idea and convey it in a way you have never considered before. (Why is it that not having considered something doesn’t necessarily make One inconsiderate?)

(Engrish is funny.)

Often, mysterious feelings (Is that like The Bad Touch?  Show Us on the doll where the priest mysterious feelingsed you.)

can be better understood if you can see them from a more dramatic point of view.  (Once more, dear friends, into your breeches…)

How’s your karma? (Chameleonesque, thanks.  Yours?)

By paying a good deed forward you can inspire others to do something selfless that helps another person in need.  (How ‘bout We inspire everyone who’s reading this to send Us a couple hundred bucks?)

Your actions will impress someone worthy of your attention.  (Really?  When?  Because it is taking Us a really long time to become an overnight success.)

  And have We mentioned Our latest video? 

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.