Near, far, wherever you are...

(Ooops, is that song stuck in your head now?  Too bad, so sad, anal sex with your dad.)

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Saturday, April 14, 2012.  Today, of course, is the 100^th anniversary of the day the Titanic started sinking.  Tomorrow is the 100^th anniversary of the day it finished.  (This is why that movie is so long.)  So happy 100^th anniversary of the Titanic starting to sink.

Speaking of that movie, We would really like to see it in the theater in 3D.  Not so much for the 3D part, but because We never saw it in a theater the first time around.  Also, speaking of movies, they are playing The Poseidon Adventure on the big screen later this month in honor of its 40^th (!) anniversary.  We’d like to see that, too.

How much ya wanna bet We don’t do either?

Meanwhile, We are guessing that none of the rest of you has a two-story inflatable bouncy house shaped like a birthday cake immediately outside the front door of his or her row home this morning.

This means that eventually, they will start playing The Never-Ending CD Of Every Pop Song Of The Moment Being Sung By A Children's Choir.

Anybody wanna come over? And kill Us? 

Welcome to A Very Special (Almost) All Video E-Dition Of E-Rix Daily Horoscope.  Above, of course, you will find Our Time of the Month Horoscope for Aries, the link for which is here: http://youtu.be/jy65nirv_BM 

Meanwhile, Our very talented friends at Jeff Coon and Ben Dibble Must Die have reached their initial Kickstarter goal, but please don’t stop donating.  There are only a few more days to go.  Here is the SECOND behind-the-scenes infomercial they made for the project:

Here, meanwhile, are several WaitStaff sketches to while away your weekend hours:

Our recent appearance as Joan Rivers, opening the WaitStaff show:

And here We have Rick Santorum on The Dr. Phil Show:

And have We mentioned Our latest video?  http://youtu.be/jy65nirv_BM 

Aaaaaannnndddd We’re outie!  Happy weekend!

 

 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

                            

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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.