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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

And so pretty, Miss America should just resign




Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for HumpDayHumpDayHumpDay, March 28, 2012.  The method to Our madness there was that if We said it three times, it would appear, much like Beetlejuice.  It will surprise no one to learn that, having said it three times, Our doorbell did not ring.  Mainly, of course, because We do not have a doorbell.  But don’t let’s cloud the issue with facts.

Come and hump on Our door…We’ve been waiting for you…

We are in a most peculiar mood today, and We know not why.  We hear that the weather has rebounded, so We may have to go and romp. Romp, romp, romp. (That last bit was a la The Bunny Hop.  (We told you:  mood.))  Alternatively, We may frolic.  Or possibly run amok.  Stay out of Our neighborhood if you know what’s good for you.

We, obviously, have no idea what’s good for Us.  Although We’re pretty sure a hump wouldn’t go amiss.

Here: http://youtu.be/jy65nirv_BM  is the link with which you are not sharing Our latest video with your friends.  And here is a funny story about same: Ya know those people that One only knows on the WorldWideInterWebNetz?  One of them asked Us if it was indeed Us appearing as Starzina in said video.  Okay, fair question, since We haven’t actually met in real life.  Yes, it is Us (well, more correctly, “it is We…The Royal We”  (you did read that like “Bond…James Bond”, didn’t you?)).  The next question?  No, really…wait for it…”Who’s playing your mom?”

This person is presumably allowed to drive a car, and vote, and walk about the public streets unsupervised.

‘Tis a gift to be simple, ‘tis a gift to be freaks.

Here are some things on which to click, should you mayhaps have an itchy clicky finger.  Or an achy breaky heart.  Or a penchant for saying “mayhaps” while wearing assless chaps and playing craps. (You think THAT’S bad?  We tried but failed to work “Pap smear” into that sentence.  Orange you glad We didn’t say banana?)






Charlene Tilton.  When you care enough to send the very breast.

You feel fun and flirty today, so make the most of it! (Also furry, farty, and fluorescent.  And fizzy and funny and fine.  And a whole bunch of other adjectives beginning with F.  But why stop at adjectives, FuckWit?)

Your great energy and enthusiasm (Say what?)

should keep others interested, (We can’t even keep Our imaginary friends interested.)

 so make sure that you’re engaged (If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.)

and appreciative of those around you.  (We keep hanging with people on the wrong team.  They don’t appreciate Our “appreciation”.)

A rapid exchange of ideas with a friend or coworker early in the day will stimulate your curiosity (Is your curiosity stimulated, or are youi just happy to see Us?)

(Seriously?  Who carries a burrito in their pocket?)

— you’ll want to follow up on some of the ideas from the discussion, and should try to make time to do so. (That sounds way too much like work.)

A quick internet search (Who even knew the internet was missing?)

will help you find the answers you need and will plant more seeds for a continued conversation. (That last bit was a euphemism, right?)

While you might not be able to pick up where you left off with this person today, you will eventually. (“Eventually” is like the day after the Twelfth of Never, right?  And that’s a long, long…time.)

And when you do — you’ll be ready.  (Just like the Boy Scouts:  be prepared.  And how do YOU prepare Boy Scouts?  Our recipe starts out “Preheat oven to 350”.)

As long as you’re single, why not diversify?  (Screw that…why not PERverisfy?)

Meeting as many people as you can gives you a sense of possibilities — and right now, it’s also really fun. (Especially if you try to see how many of ‘em you can kill.)

Get yourself to a social event and be the social butterfly.  (With Our luck, We’ll get there and be the social mealybug.  Or the social tapeworm.  Sigh.)


 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
                            
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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.