Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Saturday, March 31, 2012. Welcome to A Very Special (Almost) All Video E-Dition Of E-Rix Daily Horoscope. Above, of course, you will find Our Time of the Month Horoscope for Aries, the link for which is here: http://youtu.be/jy65nirv_BM
Meanwhile, Our very talented friends at Jeff Coon and Ben Dibble Must Die have reached their initial Kickstarter goal, but please don’t stop donating; We hear they are having some legal difficulties about which We will tell you as soon as the gag order is lifted:
Here, meanwhile, are several WaitStaff sketches to while away your weekend hours:
Our recent appearance as Joan Rivers, opening the WaitStaff show:
And here We have Rick Santorum on The Dr. Phil Show:
And have We mentioned Our latest video? http://youtu.be/jy65nirv_BM
Aaaaaannnndddd We’re outie! Happy weekend!
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://agskylab.blogspot.com/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
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Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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