And everybody's saying that there's nobody meaner than the little old lady from Pasadena

Greetings, Eels Reel Into Creel---


Here is your horoscope for Friday, March 26, 2010 (In honor of the arrival of Friday, for those of you to whom that makes a difference, a light-hearted Eric’s Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Foie Gras Avec Moi Ce Soir entitled Timing. Heh.):


(Also, this video (vid, yo?), courtesy of MizGerreGarrett, entitled A Girl and her Car. Totally work-safe, and not your typical Eric’s Daily Horoscope fare…a little too heart-warming for these parts. Until you start to mull it over afterwards and think…well, more than just a little bit INSANE.)

(Other than that, We got nothin’. We are busily whittling away at Our To-Do list, but there’s nothing of much interest resulting. (You did not, most likely, realize that We are a famous whittler. We are, in fact, Whittler’s Mother.))


(Oh, never mind.)


(Our Our-O-Scope.)


If you've been feeling like you're coming to the end of your rope, (Tie a noose in it and hang on.)

you should start to feel like you're regaining your grip. (Hmmm…do We wanna do a joke here about Poly-Grip™, or do We wanna do “la grippe, la grippe, la post-nasal drip”? Decisions, decisions…fu(k it; neither.)


You can also expect to get a lot more attention than you've had in recent times. (Sorry…did you say something?)


How you feel about taking center stage for a while? (Oh, sure…give Us center stage at 11 o’clock in the morning when there’s no one in the d@mn theater. (Or is this some fu(king children’s show? We hate that.))


People are going to be checking you out, (Like a liberry book?)


so do all you can to shine! (Remind Us to wax Our carrot as soon as We’re through here.)


(The Immaculate Exception: it’s when you p00p and you don’t get any on you. (That joke worked so well earlier this week, We thought We’d bring it back.))


If you need to come across as confident, you have the skies totally on your side now, supporting you. (Russkies? Jewskies? Whoskies? Youskies? (Welcome to Dr. Seuss does vaudeville…I am your host, Sam-I-Am, your host, and this is Our lovely spokesmodel, Cindy Lou Who, whose titz number two.))


(Every one of you str8 bois who just pixtured Cindy Lou Who in pasties, slap yourselves really hard. Because We? Ain’t touchin’ your perverted self.)


Admit your errors. (We thought We made a mistake once, but We were wrong.)


Smile, nod and shrug your shoulders -- a lot. (What is this…the audition for the Rain Man remake?)


Then go back to your room, lock yourself in a closet and have a tantrum, with no expletives deleted. (Have We met? Do you imagine Us as a person who would delete his motherfu(king c0cksucking expletives, you addle-brained @ssmunching c00terfaced tw@tlick? H3ll to the g0dd@mn (untlicking “NO”, beeyotch!)


(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


have you driven a cowgrass lately?)