Devil with a blue dress, blue dress, blue dress

Greetings, Emphatic Refusal Inspires Counterproposal---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, March 10, 2010 (Happy Hump Day! Well, March has certainly come in like a lava lamp, hasn’t it? Lettuce hope it doesn’t go out like ladyparts. (We are becoming enamored, these days, here at Eric’s Daily Horoscope, of Ze Running Joke. Not to be confused with Ze Runny Yolk, of which We are not particularly eggnamored. (Zat last part was neither running, nor a joke. Discuss.))):


(We had a dream last night that We were having a dinner party. It was not, however, taking place at OurHouseWhereWeLive. There were at least twenty people there, many of whom were actual people We know, some of whom may be moving their lips to these very words as We type them. (Well, not as We type them, but you know what We mean.) In the dream, Our guests were so very rude to Us that, if We were (subjunctively) to run into them on the street today, We would have a hard time not being mad at them in real life. We have no idea why they were being so awful to Us; We only almost poisoned one of ‘em.)


(Meanwhile, the following bit of levity comes from Our MizDonna. It is perfectly safe and harmless, despite requiring you to Reach Out And Touch Someone. We have tested it Our Own Selves Personally: “Call the Nestle Crunch Hotline at 1-800-295-0051. When asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, wait quietly for about 10 seconds. Once you are presented with options, press 4. Listen to the next set of options...then press 7.”)


(Yesterday, We went to rehearse the scene We are doing today for the Drexel student’s advanced directing class. Why has none of all y’all been kind enough to point out that We are a million and two years old?)


(Our-O-Scope…)


'Just a touch' of anything will be absolutely out of the question, especially when it comes to the ones you love. (Did We mention that in the aforementioned scene that We are doing, We are playing a child molester? That kinda makes Kelli’s Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulation) in the first sentence even funnier.)


Just be sure you're prepared for the bill, which will arrive next month. (Who is this “Bill” of whom you speak, and what the h3ll is taking him so long to get here?)


Be reasonable, (Sorry…have We met?)


or suffer through a terrific case of buyer's remorse. (Well, you know what They say: why buy the cow, when you can get remorse for free? (Why do They say that? It doesn’t make any sense…))


Stalking out of the room indignantly (Ooooh! Can We flounce? Because We feel a good flounce coming on.)


-- after being told you're impossible to please today (We? Are the furthest thing from “impossible to please”. Seriously, people.)


-- will only prove their point. (Which is, naturally, on the top of their head. Next to the hole.)


Especially if they're just a tiny bit right. (Honey, if they’re “just a tiny bit right”, then they’re mostly WRONG. So they’d best get to steppin’.)


Dressing for success is a good idea. (De debbil made me buy dis dress. (That was a little Flip Wilson to brighten up your morning, boys and girls. (That whooshing sound you just heard was all the chirren rushing off to the WorldWideInterWebNetz to Google “WhoTheFu(kIsFlipWilson?” on Wikipedia.)))


Dressing for your current mood--if you want to be successful-- isn't. (Hmm…is there a color that’s blacker than black? What color is a black hole? (Oh, get your minds out of the gutter. P3rverts.))


Lay off the hot pinks, deep reds and electric purples. (Well, there goes Our plan to dress up as ladyparts.)


(You’re pixturing that now, aren’t you? “The question before us is “Where’s her clitoris?”)


(Aaaaannnndddd We’re outtie.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


cowgrass...when you care enough to send the very best)